Scarred Youth
by orange-tide
Summary: Sequel to Youth of the Nation and The World Forgotten. We are not invincible, only mortal. Please Read and Review. Chapter SixFlashback. New chap up, Anniversary.
1. If Only

**Well, well, well. What have we here? A sequel to the sequel of "Youth of the Nation"? Why, I think you're right! Here it is: The first chapter of _Scarred Youth._ Thanks to IntentiallyCruel and Kim's dyslexia for the title. LOL. So, here it is, everyone please review, and I'll type!**

Seth Cohen sat on his bed debating on whether to go downstairs. Maybe Kirsten and Sandy would let him skip. Highly doubtful. He had missed way too much school. First in the coma, then he skipped a lot of school, so yeah, he had to go. Seth was pretty much up to date with everything, but this would be his first day without Ryan to back him up on things.

Kirsten was making Ryan miss the next week of school, for the withdraw. Ryan never did get kicked out. Though Kirsten and Sandy said they would if they caught him with drugs, they didn't have the heart. Instead, they gave Ryan a big talking to when they got home last night. Seth knew about this one, but chose not to listen in. Plus, he was dead tired.

So that's where they were. Tuesday morning, things were finally blowing over. Seth hoped nothing huge would happen. He doubted he could take it. Just a month and a half ago, he woke up from a coma. Where he spent a month and three weeks in. That was a damn long time. All this from one second in time, one movement of the finger, one gunshot.

Perhaps everything happened because of that gunshot, Seth didn't know. Some of it didn't have a thing to do with it. Like Ryan and drugs. Of course, that started because he told Summer who was in the hospital because of the shooting. Well then. Everything _was_ because of the shooting.

Seth picked up his old best friend, Captain Oats. The Captain glared at him, telling him to go downstairs. He was giving Seth that look. The look saying, "You're a wuss, get moving, you're overreacting." The horse never gave Seth that look before Ryan came.

"I'm going, I'm going," Seth grew annoyed of the look so he placed the plastic horse on his night stand and got up. He headed down the stairs and through the kitchen, where no one was there. So Seth kept walking to the pool house.

Ryan wasn't there either. Where the hell did everyone go? Seth knew Ryan wasn't allowed out, so where could he be?

Seth's brother appeared from the bathroom, looking horrible. Ryan barely acknowledged Seth, before lying on the bed again.

"So, how is the life of leisure?" Seth sat down in a chair and looked over at Ryan.

"It sucks," Ryan answered.

"How? Dude, you get to sit around and lounge for a week," Seth remarked.

"Yeah, but it's for withdraw. I forgot how much it sucked," Ryan knew it wouldn't be as bad as the last time, but it would still suck.

"Okay, I see your point. But you were only on it for three weeks. It couldn't have gotten really bad," Seth said.

"I suppose," Ryan just wanted to sleep.

"You see my parents?" Seth had no idea where they could be.

"Kirsten came in here a while ago, but I haven't seen either since," Ryan thought back to the conversation the night before.

Ryan begged not to be sent away. He vowed he'd never do drugs again. If he was okay after withdraw, he wouldn't have to go to therapy. Kirsten didn't want both her sons talking to a shrink.

"I'm gonna go look for them," Seth got up.

"Wait, Seth," Ryan slowly sat up.

"What?" Seth barely saw his brother in Ryan. He knew him, but Ryan had changed.

"Marissa is coming over. Don't let her in here," Before Ryan crashed last night, he left a message on her cell phone. She left one on his saying she'd be over in the morning.

"Okay," Seth didn't quite understand that Ryan did not want Marissa seeing him like this.

Seth left Ryan in the pool house and went to the kitchen. Kirsten was in there, not dressed for work. Seth was confused as he watched her read the paper.

"Hi," Seth grabbed a cup and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Hi," Kirsten took a sip of hers.

"Not going to work?" Seth guessed.

"Staying home for Ryan," Kirsten needed a day off. Her father was making her do so much work lately.

"Where's Dad?" Seth got a bagel out and put it into the toaster.

"No idea. Probably surfing," She wasn't talking to Sandy a whole lot lately.

"Oh," Seth knew his mother wasn't in the mood to talk. He was glad when the doorbell rang.

Marissa stood there waiting. She did that a lot lately. Seth rushed out of the kitchen and to the door. He opened it and saw his step-aunt.

"Hey Marissa," Seth said to her and she smiled.

"Hey Seth," Marissa walked in. "How's Ryan?" She asked him.

"Uh...sick," Seth informed her as they walked into the kitchen.

"Oh hi Mrs. Cohen," Marissa greeted her step-sister.

"Hi Marissa," Kirsten replied.

"Where's Ryan?" Marissa wanted to see him before school. She doubted he would go, but she at least thought he'd be in the kitchen.

"Pool house. But you can't go see him," Seth almost forgot to tell Marissa. She was already headed to the pool house.

"Why not?" Marissa didn't get it.

"He doesn't want you to go see him," Seth explained.

"Oh," Marissa felt dismayed. Though Ryan didn't want her to see him, she did. Who cared what he looked like?

"Sorry," Seth added as Marissa looked out the window to the pool house. The shades were drawn, as usual. Ryan didn't have the energy to open them.

"I'm going to see him," Marissa began to go out of the room and to the pool house.

"But he said..." Seth started, but Marissa was gone. "Damn."

"Seth..." Kirsten warned.

Marissa knocked on the pool house door. She didn't hear anything, so slowly she turned the knob and opened it.

Ryan was lying on the bed, his eyes drooping down. He needed sleep so badly. He hadn't had more than two hours at a time for a month. He closed his eyes.

Marissa didn't say a word, she floated to the notebook nearby and wrote a note to Ryan. She told him to call her when he could. She walked back to the bed and kissed Ryan on the cheek.

He was still awake when she kissed him.

She slipped out of the room and went back to the kitchen.

"Let's go. Bye Mrs. Cohen," Marissa waved.

"See ya Mom," Seth followed Marissa and they headed to school.

The two said their goodbyes after first period, he was all alone. Some of the water polo team was in his class. He hated then with such a vigor.

"Hey Seth," John was in his room. He had completely forgotten. John usually didn't bother Seth, no idea why. John had actually been on vacation the last three weeks. Yeah, you could do that in the O.C.

Seth ignored him. That's what therapy taught him. Ignore them and you'll be fine.

"I said hello, Cohen. Aren't you going to say hi to me?" John sat in the desk in front of Seth.

"Hi," Seth didn't look up at them.

"You're not in a very social mood. Where ya been?" John asked snidely.

"I've been here, you haven't," Seth shot at John.

"No, I haven't been. Neither has your girlfriend Summer. How is she? Still insane?" John was Luke reincarnated.

"Shut up, John," Seth was getting pissed.

"You know, me and her were going out for about a month before the shooting. Before she went crazy," John commented.

"She's not crazy," Seth hated John the most.

"Oh, we used to have some good times together. Hit the parties, get wasted, the stories I'd hear. Cohen this and Cohen that. You were the devil to her. She hated your ass," John liked torturing the best punchbag in the school.

"Shut up," Seth didn't want to hear about what happened with Summer before the shooting.

"She definitely took some hints from her buddy Coop. A lot of the nights she'd be passed out. Too pretty to be destroyed, but oh well," John loved doing this. He did it to Summer, now Seth.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?" Seth could take John. Okay, maybe not. If Ryan was here, and healthy, he could definitely take down John Grant.

"I could, but I won't. I wanna know where Summer is exactly. In the loony bin? She always had that vibe to me. The 'schizo' vibe," John remembered back a few years. Luke was still here and Seth was such an easy prey. He still was.

"John, I mean it," Seth warned.

"What are you gonna do? Punch me like your brother did for Summer? He acts like such a tough guy, but he's a weakling. Didn't see him in school yesterday. Did he go back to Chino? Or maybe he's with Summer. Supposedly last time Ms. Crazy was here, she was all over Ryan whenever he was around, and you weren't. Hurts, doesn't it?" John was there that first night when Ryan came to Newport, he assisted in beating the crap out of the two guys.

"Shut up," Seth knew ignoring wasn't working. What could he do? John wasn't going to stop.

"And what makes you think that she's gonna go back to you? She's in therapy, saying all that stuff she said to me. Man, you fucked her up. You put her in the loony bin. She's not gonna wanna be with you," John stood up. "Face it, you lost her."

"Shut the fuck up," Seth got up, ready to hit John. He knew that with all the anger in him, he could do it.

"Oh, what are you gonna do Cohen? You're too much of a wimp to take me on. Plus, I don't wanna waste the air," Why was it that the teacher was never here when a fight broke out? Seth knew if he did fight John, he'd lose. Indefinitely. But he was willing to attempt.

"Mr. Cohen, Mr. Grant, please sit down," And there was the teacher. Seth breathed a sigh of relief. He wouldn't have to fight John.

"I'll see you later Cohen," John sneered at Seth and walked to his seat.

What did John mean? Was he just saying he'd see Seth later or did he mean it? Would he and his friends jump Seth while he waited for Marissa?

If only Summer was here. She'd be his support, and he'd be hers. She could give out embarrassing facts about John. That'd put John Grant in his place.

If only.

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Summer Roberts settled herself in Willow Creek's Ward B day room. Most of the other girls were there, Nikki, Mika, Evan, Lauren, Alicia, and Bree. The only person missing was Kaci.

Summer had bonded with these girls so much over the last five weeks. She herself had only three weeks left. The thought was growing in her mind, it enticed her, yet scared her. She hadn't been in the real world for so long. She felt so cut off.

"576!" Nicole, Summer's roommate, screamed at the television. All the girls were watching the Price is Right, that's how Morning Free Time was spent. Summer had immediately noticed Kaci wasn't there.

Kaci was the second girl Summer had been really introduced with, a cutter. There were a lot of them lately. Kaci was the quietest and youngest of the group, she was only 15. Constantly Kaci longed to be one of the group, but someway, felt she wasn't.

Summer had at first given Kaci the cold shoulder, who had only been in Willow Creek for two weeks at the time. Kaci was the easiest to get along with, and Summer found herself hanging with her a lot.

The 15 year old had a sane life, filled with normal problems. But something had deeply disturbed Kaci. She felt her walls close in on her and cutting was a way to stop the pain. She never went over the edge, but a girl saw her drop the razor blade in the gym bathroom. The teacher had ordered Kaci to show everyone her wrist. Kaci ran.

"Where's Kaci?" Summer asked Evan, who was sitting next to her.

"Dunno," Evan had no idea.

"Sum, you remember the screams last night?" Kaci's roommate, Lauren, replied Summer.

"I thought that was the other ward," Ward C had a screamer. The girl never shut up and they had to sedate her daily.

"Most of it. But Kaci lost it last night. Started rambling, then tore apart our room. Screaming and flailing around for ten minutes before the nurses got to her. Bleeding pretty badly by then. Got safety for a week," Lauren adjusted her black bucket hat atop her head. She was the only girl who wore a hat all the time. Summer had never seen Lauren without the hat. She was going bald from anorexia.

"Oh my gosh," All the girls were now paying attention to Lauren, who reveled in it. Most attention went to Nikki or Mika.

"...A brand new car!" Bob Barker's voice interrupted their moment of silence for Kaci. Summer continued to think about the girl as the rest watched Bob.

What was safety like? Summer never got in there. Alicia told them about it, after the two days it took her to readjust. Supposedly, for every day in safety, three more were added to your stay. Safety took away everything and left you with nothing.

"Definitely sucks for her," Mika commented.

"It had to happen. She was bound to break, everyone does," Nikki knew her way around everything in Willow Creek. She knew everything.

"What?" Summer didn't get what Nikki meant.

"Every patient goes through the safety room. Could be a small time, could be like a month. Depends on severity," Summer grew afraid. She couldn't go into safety. She'd be stuck in here longer than she was set up to be. It couldn't happen. She wouldn't let it. "How much longer do you have Sum?"

"Three weeks," Summer answered.

"Most likely that won't be true. The only person close to getting out is...Bree," All the girls looked to the blonde haired, model-like patient.

"When are you getting out?" Evan inquired.

"A week," Everyone was amazed.

"Try to get us out. You've been here for a while, they like you. We could go out to visit," Nikki was excited.

"Very Girl, Interrupted," Alicia added.

"Good movie. I want the tunnels here," Then, Mika pushed her chair to the nurses' station.

"What's she doing?" Summer wondered.

"Trying to see if they'll build tunnels for us. Again," Evan answered. They watched as Mika tried to persuade the nurses. She came back moments later, dismayed.

"No go on the tunnels, guys," She told them and Nikki laughed.

Summer was still worried. She could get into a safety room. She'd beat that rumor. She couldn't be in here longer.

"Morning Free Time is over," The nurses told the seven girls. Summer got up and followed Lauren and Evan to the art room.

The girls took a normal art class, Summer was slowly getting better. She could draw, not very well though. If only her progression in therapy was going this well.

Kelly had decided that Summer wasn't quite ready to talk about the shooting, or her friends for that matter. Marissa was discussed only because she played a crucial part in Summer's childhood.

The art therapy went by rather quickly and all three of them headed to the cafeteria. It was strange not having Kaci walking with them. Summer knew Kaci pretty well, they were close. She wasn't as outspoken as any of the rest, something Summer was also. They connected really well.

"So how long is Kaci in safety?" Evan, who was in safety the most, asked.

"I heard only two days. Her parents supposedly want to take her out of here. That's what she was mumbling when she was losing it," Lauren answered Evan.

"Didn't her parents hit her or something?" This was definitely something Summer didn't know about. The girls got in the cafeteria line and Summer listened in.

"Yeah, but she never told anyone. I kept telling her to, but she thinks it'll be better is she doesn't," Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Idiot," Evan commented as they got their food. Why hadn't Summer known about this? She and Kaci were pretty close, obviously not as close as she had guessed.

Lauren, Evan, and Summer were the first people at the table, and Summer felt distant from the other girls. She felt so out of place.

Nicole and Mika were rambling a mile a minute when they arrived at the ramble. They were in an argument, about something nonsensical.

"You know, you guys should switch to anger management. It's neat. You beat the shit out of stuff," The girls laughed at Mika's comment that was said after the argument was put on hold. Everyone then gathered into conversation, except Summer.

She couldn't stop thinking about being in a safety room. The thought really irked her.

"Summer...Sum..." Nikki was trying to grab Summer's attention. She knew how. "Newport."

Summer shot her gaze over to Nicole, and the other girls somehow understood.

"What?" Summer asked as all the other girls looked at her strangely.

"Why'd you pay attention at 'Newport'?" Mika said what everyone was thinking. Nikki knew Summer was in the shooting. But Summer didn't know that.

"Did you go to a private school?" Evan started to ask.

"Harbor, Summer, did you go there? Were you in the shooting? Holy crap, were you shot?" Mika kept going.

Every memory Summer was trying to suppress since that talk with Kelly came back. Being five feet away from death, seeing those guns, waiting for Seth to come out and he never did. Running with Marissa, who was wearing another girl's blood.

The tables were being dismissed and Summer bolted. She blended in with the crowd and her ward watched her disappear.

"Nice going, Mika," Nikki got up to try to see Summer better.

"You started it," Mika usually was okay with everyone, but she couldn't get Nicole today.

"I said, 'Newport,' that's it. You were the one who bombarded her with questions," Nikki couldn't see Summer at all.

"Whose side are you on? I know you wanted to know that stuff. Five weeks in here, you think she would've gotten through that," Mika explained.

"I gotta go," Nikki was getting sick, so she turned her back and tried to find Summer.

Summer had hurried herself to her room, grabbing Princess Sparkle and sitting in the corner. It wasn't very secret, like her old one. She wished she could be there, to hide from everyone. But she knew how that ended.

"Sorry about everything in the cafeteria," Nicole found Summer quite quickly.

"It's fine," Summer couldn't get her memories of the shooting out of her head. They kept playing, refusing to stop.

"No, it's not. I should've never mentioned Newport," Nikki walked over and sat on Summer's bed.

"How did you know about it?" Summer only knew that they hadn't been talking about Newport earlier. She would've paid attention.

"Ryan mentioned it. I didn't want to say anything, because I kinda figured it'd be hard to take. Guess I was right," Summer looked so small in the corner to Nikki.

"We haven't gotten to it in therapy. We tried, but I freaked," Summer divulged to Nicole.

"That's what I kinda thought. It had to be scary as shit to go through that," Nikki had been through some bad things, but never something like a shooting. That was on a completely different level.

"You have no idea," Summer barely noticed she was talking to someone else.

"We stared at the t.v. all day. Watched 'em pull out body by body. There were so many," Most of the girls were different from then, and it had been strange watching dead people your age. It hit so close to home.

"Seth was one of them," Summer mumbled. She remembered being so scared that day, fear taking over everything. She never saw the paramedics pull out Seth. What would he have looked like? Would he have looked dead? Pale and blue? Would Summer mistake him for dead? Maybe it was better she never saw Seth like that. That was the kind of image the burns in your head. Like so many that day.

"But we saw Seth at visitation..." Nicole didn't understand. Of course she wouldn't. The paramedics covered all the faces so identities could be kept secret for at least a little while. Naturally, everyone at Willow Creek assumed all those people died.

"Not everyone died," Summer caught on to the reason for Nicole's confusion.

"They made it seem like that," Nicole looked at the pictures of Summer and her friends. From what her roommate told Nikki, Marissa, Ryan, and Seth, went to school with her. Nicole couldn't believe those happy teens in the photos were in such a tragedy.

It was all so surreal.

"Seth was shot and in a coma for a month of a half," Summer felt so many emotions rise up in her. Tears fell down her face, as she thought of when she first learned about the comatose Seth...

"_Hey Coop," Summer was trying to sound okay even though everything was falling apart._

"_Hey Sum," Marissa sounded ready to cry on the phone. Summer had been hoping to hear some joy, since she thought Seth would get out of the hospital soon, and everything could go back to normal soon._

"_What's up?" Summer knew something was wrong._

"_It's Seth," Marissa croaked out and Summer felt sick in the gut. Was Seth dead? He had been doing good when she saw him yesterday._

"_What happened?" Summer prayed to God Seth wasn't dead. She just found out that she still loved him. He couldn't do this to her. It wasn't fair._

"_He's in a coma. They don't know when he might come out," Summer didn't remember the rest of the conversation. She had quickly hung up and fallen into sobs. She didn't know what to think. Would Seth could out of it right away? Or would he just sleep and destroy the people that loved him the most bit by bit until there was no more? He would wake up soon. She had to bet on it._

_No, Summer thought as she felt her world crash down some more, Seth Cohen liked to torture people._

Nicole watched Summer break into heavier sobs. She didn't know how to help. It was the past Summer was crying about, how could Nicole fix that?

Summer had just dropped a bomb on Nicole. Summer's boyfriend almost died, and Nikki could see Summer's problems digging deeper. She was learning the whole story. What if she didn't want to know it? Nicole was afraid Summer wanted answers to questions that had no answers.

**So? What did we think? I know the whole Summer crying bit is running tired, but never fear: She won't be like that for much more. Now, what can we expect of this story? Well, some drama, that's a given, some mushy stuff...maybe, a few minor fights, one big one, and a person leaves forever. Who is it? AH! Well, everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE please review for this story!**


	2. A Lack of Sleep

**You guys are amazing! Oh my gosh, the amount of reviews! I loved them all, please keep it up. Now, everyone is a little freaked by who'll be leaving. If you want a hint, tell me in your reviews, and next chapter, I will give you a clue. Then you guys have to wait until like the fifth chapter. Oh well. Here's the next chapter. Please review!**

Seth stood outside Harbor High, waiting for Marissa. He had immediately noticed she wasn't drinking. Marissa was a lot nicer than usual, and she didn't disappear to the bathroom to drink.

John was hanging outside near Seth with his buddies. They hadn't been shot at, but the one water polo player lost a brother. And a team member died. So they had a lot of anger built up in them. They needed their punching bag. Seth Cohen was it.

"Hey Cohen," John announced as he and his friends hovered over Seth. He felt sick. Seth ignored them again, knowing already he lost. "Now, where were we earlier? Oh right, you were standing up, ready to hit me. So, let's finish it off. Come on, get up Cohen."

"I don't want to fight," Seth doubted he could take them. Why did they all have to be bastards?

"Of course you do. You've got so much pain in you. Let's see it," John wasn't gonna stop it.

"No," Seth argued.

"Whatever. We'll let you off for a little bit, this time," John warned and they left. And John saw someone he was glad to see. Marissa.

Marissa and one of her boyfriends would always go to parties with John and Summer. Marissa would always just sit there and drink.

Right now, she was looking for Seth and found John. Seth watched as John started to hassle Marissa, who probably could take him. She was small, but strong.

"Mind your own fucking business," Marissa remembered a long time ago Luke telling her that John's dad had left and everything fell apart for the guy. That was when John became an asshole. Marissa still couldn't believe Summer dated him.

"Nah, not feeling it," John argued and Seth got it. John was doing the same thing he did to Summer.

"Lay off her," Seth stood behind John. What was he doing? He was gonna get the crap kicked out of him.

"So now Cohen wants to fight," John turned around to see Seth standing there. "Okay, Cohen, you can have it," And John pushed Seth. Seth stumbled back and John advanced. Shit.

Marissa gasped as Seth was punched. It was feeling good to John. Marissa tried to help, but the other guys were blocking her in. Seth stood up straight again and punched John, so John punched him back as hard as he could. Seth flew down, landing on his side. Marissa pushed her way through the guys. John started to kick Seth as she tapped on his shoulder. He turned around to see who it was. Marissa punched John.

He stumbled and Marissa knelt down to Seth. She helped him p and they raced to her car.

"Thanks," Seth told Marissa as she shut the door and began to drive to the Cohens.

"No problem. But I should be thanking you. You saved me from that asshole," Marissa commented.

"Oh yeah, I really helped you. You punched him. I mean, I did, but it didn't work as well," Seth corrected Marissa. He tried not to show he was in a lot of pain.

"But it felt good. You know, to punch him," Marissa replied. Her knuckles hurt a bit, but she didn't mind it.

"That it did," Seth agreed. Hitting John was the highlight of the day.

"I don't think I've ever punched someone," Marissa knew there had been moments when she _wanted_ to punch someone, but she never went through with it.

"The only person I remember punching would be...Ryan," It felt like forever ago when Seth punched Ryan, yet it was only yesterday.

"I don't think you wanna be bragging about that," Marissa told him.

"Eh, well, we'll have matching shiners," Seth joked as they headed into the gated area where the Cohens lived. Marissa wished she still lived there, life was good there. She could run to Ryan if things were too hectic. Marissa parked the car and Seth got out. "You should come in. See Ryan," He proposed.

"But Ryan doesn't want me to see him," Marissa pointed out.

"I can get ice for your knuckles," Seth tempted her.

"Okay," Marissa couldn't pass up ease for her knuckles.

So Seth and Marissa headed to the house, Marissa right to the pool house. Seth walked in the front door, scanning for his parents. He could let them see him hurt. So far he was safe.

He walked into the kitchen, and found no one there. Seth knew his mother was on the prowl, so he had to be all stealth, capture the flag, Camp Takaho. He took out two bags and began shoving ice in them.

"Oh Seth, you're home," Seth froze as he began to walk into the pool house

"Yep," Seth answered his mother without turning around.

"How was your day?" Kirsten pulled out a glass.

"Oh fine," Seth knew he wasn't gonna get out of this.

"What's that on your arm? Were you hurt?" Kirsten saw Seth was bruised on his right arm. Seth looked down and saw that too.

No," He lied.

"Seth, are you sure? Because it does..." Kirsten began to walk closer.

"You know, this is just makeup, I'm an extra in the school play, and I get stabbed in the arm," Seth told his mother as she came next to him to inspect it. "Ow," Kirsten had touched it.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing," Seth really wanted to leave.

"Look at me when you're speaking," Kirsten knew her son was hiding something.

"I can't," Kirsten would make a fuss if Seth did.

"Why not?" She wanted to hear Seth's grand excuse.

"Because...Ryan and Marissa can't read my lips then. It's all the rage in school. You watch people talk and guess what they're saying and bet and then the conversationalists come and tell you what they were talking about, and how can Ryan and Marissa play if they can't see what I'm saying?" Seth knew his mom wouldn't believe that.

"Seth, you never followed the 'rage' in school. Turn around. Now," Seth realized his mistake. Why couldn't he have left that out? He growled and followed orders. "Oh my gosh, Seth, what happened?"

"Nothing, just a little fight, no big deal. Now, can I please go see Ryan?" Seth begged.

"Fine. But we'll talk about this later with your father," Kirsten informed him as he left the house.

As Seth had been checking the house for his parents, Marissa had walked into the pool house to find a sleeping Ryan. She tiptoed over to the bed and whispered "hey" into his ear.

Ryan woke up immediately. It had been the longest time he had slept in a good month. A full two hours.

"Hey," Ryan greeted his girlfriend.

"How was your day?" Marissa knew she had to take care of the time she was with Ryan. Because as much as she hated it, she knew it wouldn't last.

"Crap. How about yours?" Ryan had been stuck in the pool house all day. Kirsten had refused to let him leave.

"Well, you'll never guess what I did today," Marissa's knuckles were still in pain from punching John.

"What?" Ryan was intrigued.

"I punched John Grant," Marissa was proud of this.

"Wow. Now we have a punching victim in common," Ryan never saw Marissa as the punching type of person.

"And with Seth. He punched John too," Marissa added.

"So you beat the crap out of John," Ryan was a little mad that he missed all the action.

"Not exactly. Seth was the one who got beat up the most," Marissa told Ryan.

"Figured. So what happened?" Ryan asked.

"John and his friends were bugging me, Seth came over and tried to help, but John hit him. Then Seth hit John and John returned the punch. And then I punched John," Marissa explained.

"Interesting," Ryan commented.

"How do you feel?" Marissa changed the subject.

"Okay, for now," Ryan informed her. His stomach was finally calming down, it wasn't revolting.

"Well, that's good," Marissa still had to admit, she did sometimes feel a little strange with Ryan. But she doubted that would ever go away.

At that moment, Seth walked in and threw an ice pack over to Marissa.

"So, what'd I miss?" Seth asked the two as he sat down and looked over.

"Nothing. I heard about your fight. Nice shiner," Ryan tormented his brother.

"Yeah, it hurts like hell," Seth applied the ice to his eye.

00000000000

Later that night, Kirsten sat in the kitchen, waiting for Sandy to come home. The day had barely took anything out of her, yet she was exhausted.

She still couldn't believe Seth got in a fight. The three teens hadn't come out of the pool house. Kirsten could hear the door opening and soon she saw Sandy walk into the kitchen.

"Hi," She greeted him and didn't get up.

"Hi," Sandy kissed his wife and sensed something was up. "What's wrong?" He looked over.

"Seth got in a fight," Kirsten announced to him.

"Well, that's normal. He used to get beat up everyday. At least once a week, he'd call me from some hiding place, telling me to pick him up. The one time I found him in the janitor's closet, some kids put him in there, and boy, was he going insane. Hyperventilating and everything. Kinda cute, until he fell out of the closet. Then it was pretty funny. I don't think he talked to me for a week after that," Sandy reminisced. "And then there was the time he was in the nurses' office knocked out cold. So adorable, and sleeping with his black eyes and the bruises on his arms. I think he was sucking his thumb..."

"Sandy," Kirsten tried bringing Sandy back to the present.

"Sorry. Now, what's really bothering you?" Remembering the times before, Sandy often wondered what he did to make Seth what he was. It got Sandy in too deep and so he decided never to really think about those times now.

"We got sent the hospital bill for Seth's stay. My dad's gonna pay for it," Kirsten argued with her father for almost an hour about that.

"When did you talk to your dad?" Sandy asked.

"I had to tell him I wouldn't be at work," Kirsten informed her husband.

"What'd you say?" Sandy and Kirsten hadn't really had a talk between them that didn't involve Seth or Ryan. Kirsten was still bothered by the fact that Sandy didn't want to go after Ryan.

"I said Ryan was sick. You didn't actually think I'd tell him the truth? He's married to _Julie Cooper_, I'm not that stupid," Kirsten commented.

"Just making sure," Sandy smiled, but Kirsten didn't. "You're still mad about something. What's up?"

"Nothing," Kirsten didn't want to talk about it.

"Come on. Tell me," Sandy walked over and sat next to Kirsten.

"Do you really think we're through everything?" Kirsten asked him.

"What do you mean?" Sandy an inkling of what she was talking about, but he doubted he was right.

"I mean, every time we try to be happy, everything falls apart. Are we through everything? Done with all the drama? I'm scared that something's gonna happen that'll be a hell of a lot worse than what we've been through," Kirsten doubted her family was through everything.

"It'll be okay Kirsten," Sandy had no real clue how to help. He was afraid of the same thing.

"I doubt it will," Kirsten got up and left Sandy. She didn't want to talk anymore.

Sandy felt incredibly distant from his wife. He thought everything was okay between then, but he was wrong. It had started when he didn't look for Ryan.

It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was just that he was sick of going after those two boys. He never ran away nearly as much as Ryan and Seth didn't when he was younger. And when he did, his mom never went after him. He had to come back on his own.

Kirsten laid on her bed. She was worried about what would happen once Ryan got through withdraw. This was getting too intense. Her family was falling apart.

She knew something would come along and ultimately break them all apart. It was only a matter of time.

Kirsten missed the carefree days of fun and laughter. Where had they gone? It wasn't that long ago that they were in the kitchen making quips. They could all smile, and the boys' only dilemma was Summer and Marissa.

She remembered when Seth and Ryan almost attempted to date other girls. Neither relationship worked out.

Most of the time after the summer and before the shooting, Ryan and Seth would talk about who Summer and Marissa were dating. Ryan barely brought up Marissa, and slowly Seth did the same thing with Summer. Except everyday he woke up with renewed hope, only for it to be squashed twenty minutes later. They had given up.

Everyday, Kirsten wondered what all of their lives would be like if there was no shooting. It would be so drastically different. Were they better off with the shooting?

"Kirsten?" Sandy brought his wife out of her thoughts. She looked up at him, not ready to leave the sanctuary of her room. "Why don't you come to the kitchen and we can eat?"

"I'm not hungry," Kirsten let her head fall back on the bed. She was comfortable.

"You sure?" Sandy was worried.

"Yeah," Even with a ton of disturbing thoughts, Kirsten was content. She didn't want to get up, because if she did, she'd have to deal with everything again. Here, she was safe.

Seth, Marissa, and Ryan finally came out of the pool house. Ryan hadn't been allowed out all day. Sandy gave in with Kirsten and headed back to the kitchen.

"Is it all right if Marissa stays over?" Ryan asked Sandy.

"Oh that's fine. I was just about to call Chinese. What do you want?" Seth and Marissa told him their orders, but Ryan didn't say a word. "Ryan? What do you want?"

"Nothing," Ryan knew he wouldn't be able to keep it down.

"Maybe something small?" Sandy hated not getting anything for Ryan to eat.

"It's fine," Though Sandy ended up getting him something.

Twenty minutes later, all four of them were sitting at the table, eating separate packages of food.

"Oh Seth, I wanted to tell you. I got a call from Willow Creek. Next week, Summer's having an interview on her stay. She could get out earlier," Sandy knew this would cheer up his son.

"Really? Awesome," Seth was happy, but when he thought of Willow Creek, he thought of Ryan. Seth's brother hadn't mentioned his stay at all to them. A lot now Seth wondered how his whole family hid this from him. They had done a damn good job.

"Yeah, I don't have to go, but I can," Sandy knew he wouldn't be able to help if Summer got in longer.

"What day is it?" Seth asked.

"Next Tuesday," Sandy replied.

Ryan looked away from everyone. He felt incredibly awkward. Why had they found out? He hated hearing about Willow Creek, he hated being there. All Ryan wanted was to forget that memory.

He could hear everyone talking but none of it was registering. It was lost in his head. He was beginning to get sick again.

Ryan left the house without a word.

Marissa began to follow him out, but Sandy stopped her. He understood Ryan needed to be left alone.

After the rest had eaten, Seth and Marissa played a ninja game while Sandy headed back to Kirsten. She was still lying on the bed, trying to trick her husband into thinking she was asleep. He didn't buy it.

"So...how do you feel?" Sandy asked his wife as he sat down next to her.

"Exhausted," Kirsten couldn't understand where her fatigue was coming from.

"Well, why don't you close your eyes?" Sandy stated the obvious.

"I can't," Kirsten hadn't had a decent sleep since October. The last weekend of October. When she fretted very little of Seth and Ryan going to a party.

She remembered when they came back home, Summer and Marissa-less. Mostly they had given up, Seth kept persuading himself and Ryan that they could win over the girls.

Kristen still remembered the conversation they had when they got back. Seth kept rambling about how a fight broke out. She tried to keep up, but only could she remember names. John, Jack, Mitch and Nick were mentioned a lot.

"Why can't you?" Sandy wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"I just can't," Kirsten didn't have an exact answer.

"So what's bothering you?" Sandy knew it was something about Seth or Ryan. It had to be. Her father didn't cause her a lack of sleep like this. Not unless he did something horrible, like cheating on his first wife, and having some illegitimate child. It was completely wrong, but he wouldn't put it past Caleb Nichol.

"I don't know, I'm just worried about..." Kirsten started.

"The boys?" Sandy assumed.

"Yeah," Kirsten replied.

"We're always worrying about them. Someday we won't. I wish it was soon, because man, they're killing us. Who is bothering you the most?" Sandy explained to her.

"Haven't the slightest clue," Kirsten didn't get up, she was so tired.

"Well, emotionally, Seth is the one to worry over. But medically, Ryan wins hands down. Seth has some medical needs, but Ryan is just... a lot of padding to a doctor's paycheck. For now. Seth will pull it back to himself somehow. He always does," Sandy said.

"I'm glad this is funny," Kirsten commented as Sandy laughed at his own explanation.

"I'm sorry. Which one is annoying you?" Sandy asked her.

"Can you just leave me alone for a little while? I'm not in the mood to talk really," Kirsten didn't want to hurt Sandy's feelings, but she felt she did.

"Oh, sure. I'll go, uh, check on Seth and Marissa..." Sandy felt even more distant with his wife, but he knew it would be okay. Right?

"Thanks," Kirsten was so tired, but she couldn't sleep.

"I love you Kirsten," Sandy told her as he began to leave the room. He stopped and stared, seeing more tears glisten her pale face.

"I love you too," She returned the gesture, and couldn't understand, that maybe, just maybe things could pick themselves up.

Kirsten remembered her first reaction to learning about Ryan's bout. She almost kicked him out right then and there. No recovering drug addicts in the Cohen household. She already was unsure of him by the events that occurred after the fashion show, but she couldn't let Ryan go when Sandy told her.

When her husband had informed Kirsten of the drugs, she already arranged Ryan was going to stay with them. so it was quite hard to get over it. Ryan had begged Sandy not to tell Kirsten and Seth and then begged both not to tell Seth. It took all their might.

Had a lot changed since then? Not much, yet too much. The Cohens had gone through every possible thing. They needed a break. A vacation from it all.

But there was no doubt that the drama would follow them. It always did.

Kirsten laid in the giant bedroom, it felt so big and she was so small. It was swallowing her. She didn't mind. If she could get away from it all, for just a tiny bit, it'd be heaven. She could breathe without worry.

**And? What do you all think? Please review, you know you want to! And tell me if you want that clue! I have one planned all out. It'll limit it down _really_ well, at least I think. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	3. Miss World

**I know it took me forever to type up, but don't worry: here it is. And now, for the BIG hint. I've been thinking of a really good one that will still make you think but take some people out. So, I will give you a little hint: The person who dies has an A in it. It takes out a few people, and maybe you'll get it...**

Marissa left the Cohens soon after she was beaten ten times in a row by Seth. She had thought maybe once she could beat him, but it didn't happen.

Unfortunately, Marissa was parking her car in Julie's driveway. It was almost eight o'clock, and it was dark and cool outside.

She stepped inside, and just as she suspected, Julie came running. Her mother pulled Marissa into a large hug.

"Oh thank God you're home. I was so worried about you," Julie didn't let go of Marissa until a minute later.

"I thought I left a message," Marissa told her mom.

"No, you didn't," Marissa hadn't even called.

"Oh. Oh well," She began to walk away from her mother.

"Wait, Marissa," Julie grabbed her daughter's arm, and Marissa winced. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine," Marissa didn't want to talk to her mother.

"I think something happened. Did something?" Julie was 'concerned.'

"Just a small fight," Marissa thought she could torture her mom. Julie let go and Marissa began up the stairs.

"Marissa Elizabeth Cooper! Get down here!" Julie yelled at her daughter.

"Why?" Marissa turned around and snapped.

"We have to talk," Julie didn't like yelling at Marissa, but it was the only way to get her to listen.

"Fine," Marissa rolled her eyes and came back down the stairs.

"Good. Let's sit down," Julie smiled and headed to the living room. Marissa followed reluctantly. "Now, what happened with this fight?"

"Some guys were annoying me and Seth tried to help," Marissa explained.

"Tried to?" Julie was interested.

"They beat him up," Marissa answered. "So I punched one of the guys."

"You punched someone?" Julie was aghast. Never would she have expected her daughter would punch someone.

"Yeah," Marissa replied snidely and Julie wondered when her and Marissa started to distance. Marissa hated her mother with such a vengeance. Julie had only ever done what she thought was best for her first born. Marissa obviously disagreed.

"Be careful with what you talk about with Seth," Julie warned.

"Why?" Marissa was confused.

"When I talked to him, he seemed...fragile. He always was. When I heard about the shooting, I thought Seth was a shooter," Julie confided in her daughter and Marissa laughed. "I'm serious. The shooting made it open for anyone to come in with a gun. What's to say Seth won't? Just be careful around him."

"Mom. He's not gonna be shooting anyone, don't worry," Marissa assured her mom.

"You know, we never talked about the shooting," Julie wished for once her daughter would tell her something. Marissa just ignored Julie. This was the longest conversation they'd had in a while.

"Yeah, we did. A while back," Both of them remembered that conversation.

"Right after Seth fell in the coma. But you never said anything after that. It's been almost four months, I think you need to vent," Marissa thought her mother was right. There were so many layers to the shooting, and she hadn't even begun to shed one.

"I don't think I want to," But Marissa did.

"Please honey. Anything," Julie didn't ask for much, just a simple talk with her daughter.

"A girl died on me," And the vision of the math room, and the blood came back to her.

Julie stayed silent. She never knew that. How could she deal with it?

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Marissa looked up at Julie, who tried to grasp it.

"I'm sorry Marissa, it's just a little hard to comprehend..."

"I know. I mean, we've only been dealing with it for four months," Why did Marissa think her mother really wanted to talk? "It wasn't what you expected. Nothing with me ever is," Marissa stood up. She was gonna say something, but didn't feel the use of it. She walked off.

"Marissa, stop. Please?" Julie didn't want to yell at her daughter again, this time it was her fault, whether she liked it or not.

Marissa went in her room and laid on the bed. The shooting was coming back to her full force. She closed her eyes and saw the panic, the fear in everyone's faces. The blood, the poor girl who never had a chance.

She knew that she shouldn't, she promised herself she'd never do it again. But she had to. There had to be some in this room. Under her bed. She hadn't gotten rid of it yet. Only a little bit. She couldn't go cold turkey.

Julie never got up, she felt even more distant from her own daughter. They used to be best friends. Where had that time gone? It disappeared such a long time ago.

And Julie knew that if she didn't reconnect with Marissa soon, she would lose her forever. Because Julie also knew of Marissa's escape, just not the extent it had been.

Back when she younger, Julie had been through a similar stage, only it didn't last this long. No one listened to her, she felt useless. Julie hadn't thought about this time for a long, long time. Julie and Marissa were so similar.

Julie once tried to end it. Why would you if you were living a dead end life? After the first attempt, Julie's life continued to spiral. That's why she so desperately wanted Marissa to get help after her overdose. Julie didn't want her daughter to go down the same track she did.

She never drank like Marissa did, but she had tried pills. She had gone to a party with Cindy and they got drunk, and Julie was near the end of her life. Soon, she thought she would be gone.

And by chance, when Julie had run far enough from that party, she bumped into someone. James Cooper.

Julie supposed she could give credit to Jimmy for saving her life, but more so, it was Marissa. Julie had a reason to live. Still to this day, she couldn't understand why Jimmy ever went after her. The first time she saw him, she shoved him out of the way and told him to "fuck off."

Never had she told that story to Marissa, and maybe if she did, Marissa might be nicer to her mother. If Marissa was anything like Julie, that would never occur. Julie was always mean. If she was too soft, she might lose everything.

Julie could maybe attempt to talk to her daughter. It was worth a shot. She wanted to be a part of her daughter's life, not be in the background.

She decided. Julie would attempt to talk to Marissa. By now, she was over the initial shock of what she was told. So Julie got up, and got two water bottles. Julie had a feeling Marissa was drinking.

And she was. Just enough to feel the buzz. So Marissa was a little tipsy. She should've emptied the bottle before.

Julie slowly climbed the stairs and heard a door close. Thinking it was Marissa, Julie sped up a bit, only to find her second child, Kaitlin. The less noticed, lonely, sister's shadow was going to her friend's.

"Hi Kaitlin," Looking at her daughter, Julie knew she hadn't been in touch with either daughter.

"Hi Mom," Kaitlin was slowly deteriorating, just like her sister. It had turned into a family tradition.

"Where are you going?" Kaitlin was rarely ever seen around the house. Her movements were so silent that no one knew where she was.

"Out to a friend's," Kaitlin answered, unfazed. Marissa usually was whining by then.

"Which friend?" Julie barely knew either of her daughters.

"Laura," Kaitlin told her mother.

"Well, have fun," Julie walked past her daughter and headed to the other's room.

Marissa was disgusted with herself. She was supposed to be getting better, and instead, she was descending back into old ways. Why the hell couldn't she get better? She had everything, life was good. But she was throwing it all away.

Julie knocked on her daughter's door. No answered. That's the way it usually went. But Julie usually gave up. Not this time.

"Can I come in?" Julie knocked again on the door. She missed talking to her daughter.

"No," Marissa took another sip of alcohol. Her mind told her no, yet she had to. It was her crutch.

"Why not?" Every time by now, Julie gave up by now, Marissa was surprised.

"Because," She slurred, growing sicker with herself as the seconds and the alcohol slowly disappeared.

"Not a good enough answer," Julie opened the door, taking Marissa off guard. Her alcohol wasn't concealed. It had been a near full bottle, now it was gone. She was deer in headlights.

"What are you doing?" Marissa frantically tried to hide the liquor and not seem drunk.

"Talking to my daughter," Julie sat down on Marissa 's bed.

"Well, your daughter doesn't want to," Marissa replied cooly.

"Too bad," Marissa didn't know what to do. She was stuck her mom. "Here," Julie handed Marissa a water bottle. "That's better than vodka."

Marissa remained silent as she took the bottle. Who was this woman? Marissa's _real_ mom would've flipped, now just blow it over.

"What do you want?" Marissa asked Julie suspiciously. She didn't trust this.

"That's what you think? I can't talk to my daughter and not have an ulterior motive?" Julie asked simply.

"Exactly."

"Well, sorry, I don't have one. I just wanted to talk," Julie drank her water she Marissa tried to see if she was lying.

"About what?" Marissa questioned.

"I know you had tried being open with me and I'm sorry. I really hadn't expected what you told me. I didn't think it went that deep. You need to talk to me. I'm here to listen," Julie told Marissa.

"I don't trust you," Julie had hurt Marissa on more than one occasion. She had lost all trust in her a long time ago.

"I guess I deserve that. I suppose to you I haven't been the greatest mother. But I try, I really do. I just want you to be happy," Julie had lost Marissa so long ago. How could they ever go on speaking terms again?

"Sure," Marissa rolled her eyes. She hadn't taken Julie seriously since a good five months ago. She supposed the shooting should've changed that, but it didn't.

"I mean it," Julie enforced.

"No offense, Mom, but I can't even remember the last time we talked and you had something productive to say. I don't know what you really want from me. Maybe to stop seeing Dad? Or maybe Seth? Since you know, he could be a shooter. _Or maybe_ you figured out me and Ryan are back together," Marissa explained.

"It's not like that Marissa...you're back with Ryan?" Julie didn't understand why Marissa kept dating him. He was completely wrong for her.

"Yeah, so there. It can't be that," Marissa had tried opening up with her mom, she wasn't trying again.

"All I want to do is talk..." Julie argued.

"You've never wanted to talk. There is always something in it for you. Just tell me what it is, so I can say no, and we can get on with our lives," Marissa continued.

"You're drinking," Julie corrected her daughter.

"That's none of your business," Marissa wanted her mother out. And soon.

"You are my daughter. It is my business," Julie hated what she was hearing.

"Never was before," Their voices began to rise.

"What?" Julie was getting hurt. Badly.

"You never cared about me or Kaitlin, only money. From Caleb, from Dad. That's all that ever mattered. We thought you cared, and you never did. You just wanted that power and when you lost it, you left us there," Marissa was almost in tears, but Julie was closer.

"Marissa, I never..." Julie argued.

"Meant for that to happen? Well, it did. You were trying to live my life, and when I wasn't perfect, you tried to send my away," Finally, Marissa was getting out all her feelings.

Julie let her tears fall. All of it was true. When Marissa began to rebel, Julie left her. She left her whole family.

"I'm sorry," Julie muttered, feeling sick.

"Doesn't matter anymore," Marissa commented, waiting for her mother to leave.

"Well, I think it does. I want us to talk. Can we?" Marissa wasn't expecting that.

"Don't want to," Marissa began to think back to years and years ago when she understood her mom. When he mom cared, made her eat in tenth grade. It had never been full blown anorexia. Holly, Summer, and Luke had just told her she was looking a little chunky compared to what she usually was.

Marissa had been a size three.

So Marissa stopped eating the little bit she did. Julie noticed immediately, and tried to help her. Julie had been actually concerned. But had she been really? Or just trying to shut up the Newpsies?

"Well, we should. The shooting has to be so hard to deal with. Talk about it," Julie tried to coerce her daughter into talking.

"I told you before. I don't want to talk about it," Marissa's eyes flamed with a hatred towards her mother. And Julie saw it.

"Fine," Julie stood up and looked at Marissa with sincerity. "If you ever wanna talk..."

"I'll come to you. I know," Marissa said and Julie stepped out of her daughter's room dismayed. That plan did not work.

Marissa turned off her light, it was getting late. She was so tired, the day's events had taken everything out of her.

Julie was lingering on her mind. Why was her mother so adamant on talking to Marissa? She never was before. Something had changed in her.

Marissa's eyes slowly drooped and she let herself fall into sleep as Julie looked for her stash of alcohol. The Coopers were such an alcoholic family. Only a few years of soberness for Kaitlin.

"Hello Juju," Caleb entered the kitchen as Julie rummaged through the kitchen.

"Hi Cal," Julie still hated when Caleb called her 'Juju.'

"What are you doing?" Caleb questioned and stared as she searched for vodka.

"Looking for a drink. It seems that Marissa wiped us clean," Julie pulled out a bottle and found the tiniest bit of vodka in it.

"But she's underage," Caleb sounded so unhip, Julie thought.

"Cal, you know nothing about 'Generation Y.' Everyone drinks. I bet your grandson swigs back a few," Julie gave up. Marissa had the last liquor in the house.

"I bet that Ryan made him... Anyways, why do you need alcohol?" Caleb asked.

"Because Marissa hates me," Julie commented.

"Hasn't she always hated you?" Caleb wondered.

"Haha. Very funny Cal. I really mean it. I'm a horrible mother. I've abandoned my kids," Julie really was a bad mom.

"You're a fine mom," Caleb tried to help Julie feel better but she didn't.

000000000000

Seth gave up on his video game and headed to the pool house. Ryan had left Seth and Marissa to the games a while back so Seth went to check on him.

The pool house was dark as it was usually dark. Ryan wasn't tired, he got enough sleep all day.

"Hey Ryan, are you asleep? Ry? Are you awake? Ryan?" Seth asked.

"I'm awake Seth," Ryan slowly pulled himself up.

"Cool," Seth smiled, put on the lamp, and laid on the bed.

"So, what's up?" Ryan knew Seth had something to ramble about.

"I'm thinking about Summer and the infamous Willow Creek," Seth exclaimed.

"Yeah, there's some great memories there," Ryan commented.

"Yeah, about that. I was wondering, like what happened there? And you mentioned Nicole yesterday? What's with that?" Seth looked over at his brother and sat down.

Ryan had to think first. He didn't feel right talking about Willow Creek with Seth. This was what he tried to avoid with not telling him. It seemed like Seth was okay with it, but just yesterday, he punched Ryan in the face.

"Ry? Dude, are you in this universe?" Seth waved his hand in front of Ryan, who finally blinked.

"Huh?" Ryan came out of his thoughts.

"I was asking what Willow Creek was like. And about that Nicole chick. So, would you care to elaborate?" Seth reiterated.

"Not especially, but I know you won't shut up until I tell you," Seth nodded. "I guess it was okay. Had therapy, went through a lot of stuff, safety room..." Ryan explained.

"Safety room? What's a safety room?" Seth didn't like the sound of that.

"A safety room is a Willow Creek tradition myth. Supposedly, every person has to endure a safety room at one point. As far as I know, no one's beat that. In there, you lose everything, you're just a null and void. For every day in a safety room, you get three days added to your stay," Ryan was in for two days, which they rounded to a week more for the stay. It was hell in there. You didn't feel anything.

"That's not gonna happen to Summer. It can't," Seth was afraid she'd end up in there.

"No offense Seth, but it most likely will happen. I'm amazed she wasn't taken to one before. I told her about my stay," Ryan informed his brother.

"Why did you tell her?" Seth guessed he couldn't be mad at her for keeping it a secret, but he kind of was.

"Because I was afraid she'd do something like kill herself," Ryan remembered that day, it was about a month ago. He couldn't believe that long of a time passed by.

"Wait, when did you tell her?" Seth was always confused talking about the things that he learned yesterday.

"When Marissa told her about your little jump. She freaked out and according to Nicole, was trying to find something to kill herself with," Ryan said everything with such ease, but inside, it was so difficult to deal with.

"Oh," Seth had no clue what to say at first. "So how do you know Nicole?" He avoided more talk of him and Summer.

"Well, when I was in, they were doing reconstruction so we had to get taken to other facilities. I was sent to the psych ward at the local hospital. She was my roommate," Ryan had to admit it was nice being able to say all those things to Seth.

"Did anything happen?" Seth asked his brother jokingly.

"No. Though she does owe me fifteen hundred dollars," Ryan answered, the mood lighting up.

"What for?" Seth questioned.

"Poker. We played most of the time. I won," Ryan reminisced.

"Ah, the mutant card counting abilities come in handy again. You're gonna have to teach me some of the tips and techniques," Seth commented as Ryan slowly got himself up to get a glass of water.

"Well, do you have the time?" It took Ryan years to perfect his card skills.

"Sure, man. Let's work on it after you um, withdraw," Seth felt incredibly uncomfortable saying that.

"Deal," Ryan was glad Seth had gotten through his suicide stage if you wanted to call it that.

"How long does withdraw usually take?" Seth wondered. He had never really talked with a person who did drugs. Alcohol was a different thing.

"Three to five days," Ryan couldn't wait until it was over. He had thrown up like three times today. This had to be the worst day. It only could get better. Ryan was praying for that day.

"Ah, so at most only a week of hell," Seth commented.

"Only a week Seth? You obviously have no clue how bad withdraw is," Ryan corrected Seth.

"Guess not. How much does it suck?" Seth wondered.

"A lot," Ryan finished drinking his water and began to wash it off.

"Oh. But I guess you're not gonna do it again, right?" Seth was careful.

"Right," Ryan walked back to the bed.

"Why did you do it anyways?" Seth couldn't see where that weakness in Ryan was hiding.

"Well, when I first got hooked, my mom wasn't in that bad of shape. So I still felt like a kid and it was okay to screw up. My mom, her boyfriend, and Theresa found me and sent me to get help. My mom spent most of our money for the stay.

"When I got home, she was worse off, so I grew up, and tried to fix my family. I just lost touch with most people," Ryan explained.

Seth couldn't believe that all this had happened.

"So when I told Summer about everything and temptation came back, and I felt like an escape was what I needed. A huge mistake on my part," Ryan told his brother his tale.

"Oh, cool," Seth was amazed with Ryan. He spoke more than Seth in this conversation. "Well, I'll leave you to sleep."

"Doubt I'll get any," Ryan joked as Seth headed out of the pool house and to his own room.

**What did we think? I took the chap title from Hole's "Miss World." Best lyrics ever.** **Well, please review, and think about my hint... Person has an A in it... Hmm...who could it be? **


	4. Setbacks

**Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry I haven't updated in forever! My life has been chaotic, and lately, I've been writing in _Mockingbirds_, so if you haven't read that, read it. I'm updating that right after this. So, please forgive me, and here is all Summer. And, we will find out who dies. Definitely not who you expected!**

"I'm getting out," Summer heard the words come to her. Bree had walked into the day room, grinning broadly. Summer noticed her immediately. Her and Kaci's game of checkers was put on pause for the moment. It was a week after kaci was sent to a safety room, so finally, she returned to the ward.

"When?" Nicole inquired. All the girls had circled around Bree, who was basking in the attention. She never got it.

"Two days. Two measly days. Then, I'm free," Bree smiled even more. She made all the girls jealous, especially Summer.

She was having her interview today, and it was scaring the hell out of her. Both her parents would attend, she'd finally be able to talk to her dad. Summer was still mad at him, but he knew what was best for her. That was her excuse for him.

"Lucky," Mika commented, who had a good five more months. Her parents wanted her in here for as long as they could.

Summer looked back at kaci, who seemed changed since the safety room. There was an emptiness in the eyes, Summer was worried. What had made Kaci crack like she did?

A nurse appeared and began to hand out the medication. All the girls took at least five pills, mostly anti-depressants.

"Come with me then. I've got to take you to your interview," The nurse handed Summer her seven pills and some water. She hadn't realized the interview was this close. Summer swallowed her pills and followed the nurse, Lucy. She saw Nicole give her a thumbs up as they left all of them behind.

The walk was silent, more and more fears were building inside of her. She hadn't seen her mother for over a year. Maybe two. Though she heard her the day Summer's parents planned to send her away.

Summer felt her heart beating out of her chest as she approached the door. Inside were people all wanting to keep her in there.

Kelly sat next to Summer's parents and watched the frail girl come in. She still hadn't gained a whole lot of weight, but there was a significant change.

"Hello Summer," Kelly smiled at her patient, who was feeling a numbness. The drugs were taking effect.

"Hi," Summer mumbled out and looked at her two parents. How they had changed, she barely recognized them.

"Hi honey. It's so great to see you," Summer's mother hugged her daughter close, the most interaction the two had in years. What had happened to the loudmouth daughter?

"Great to see you too, Mom," Summer couldn't feel a thing physically, but she could feel how weird it was to identify someone as her mother. For years, she really had no mother. Her father did all the parenting, the teaching, the discipline. Neil took care of her, and Summer had forgotten she even had a mother.

They all sat down and Summer sat alone on one side with her nurse behind her. It was two on one.

"Now, we're here to discuss Summer's progress," Kelly, who sat at the end of the table, in the neutral area, stated. "We have gotten quite far in therapy, but we have not gotten onto the topic of the shooting, anything after that, or her boyfriend, Seth," Kelly checked her notes. "I don't believe two weeks is a sufficient amount to get through all that. I think three will work."

"Agreed," Neil immediately replied and Summer felt everything stop. Was it just decided that she would be in here a whole more week? No. That went too fast.

"Good," Kelly began to write down notes.

"I have a question," Neil seemed to be the only parent talking.

"Okay," Kelly looked up.

"Is Summer on Prozac?" Neil knew what drugs did what to patients.

"No, she isn't. But she is on other anti-depressants, such as Lithium..." Kelly looked over the med list.

"I think it would greatly help her to be put on it," Neil glanced over at Summer, who stared at her own lap, taking it all in.

"Okay, sure. We'll issue Summer ten milligrams of Prozac. Is there anything else we want to touch upon?" Summer was awestruck with how fast this interview was going.

They began to talk about what was said in therapy and Summer lost interest. She was stuck another week. How fair was that? She hadn't even gotten a say in it.

Since when had Summer had an inaudible relationship with her father? They used to be best friends, and now, Summer couldn't even say hello to her own father.

"Now, speaking of housing, I wanted to discuss the matter of where Summer will be staying after she is released," This definitely grabbed Summer's attention.

"We were actually talking about that before this," Her mother spoke.

"Good. Have you reached any decisions?" Kelly was quite interested, as was Summer.

"Yes. Summer will stay with Neil until graduation in Newport, and then move in with me and my husband and three kids. We also thought for college, she could attend some courses at the local college," Summer was getting sick. They had planned the rest of her life without a word from her.

"Great. Now, where do you live, Mrs. Roberts?" Kelly wondered.

"Actually, it's Post, but I live in Northern California," Summer knew now she really had to speak up. She'd lose everything if she didn't. She'd lose Seth.

"Can I say something?" Summer spoke up finally. What would she say? How could she persuade them out of what they wanted to do? They had all made up their minds. And plus, they all had power over her. Summer was a lot less stronger than them. She had lost her will to fight so long ago. Now she just went with the flow. But she had to fight them. Let them know what she had to say.

"Why of course, Summer," All of them laid their eyes on Summer, who was momentarily paralyzed. What did she need to say?

"What's on your mind?" Her mother smiled, but not a nice smile. More a 'I will win' smile. Julie Cooper-Nichol held that smile a lot.

"I don't want this," Summer found herself saying. That sounded better in her head.

"Don't want what?" Kelly asked.

"Any of this. I don't wanna move, I want to stay in Newport. I don't want more drugs, I want to go home. I want Seth," Summer explained to them, hoping they would see.

"You're sick, Summer. You have to get better before you can go home," Summer's mother told her sweetly.

"But I'm not sick! You're the ones who are sick! You're trying to keep me in here as long as you can!" Summer noticed her mistake right away. The outburst did not help her cause.

"Maybe you should go back to the ward, get rest, calm down," Kelly hypothesized.

"I'm fine," Summer claimed.

"We should be going. It's a long trip home," Both Summer's parents stood up and looked at Summer as if she was crazy and not their daughter.

"Right," Neil agreed as his ex-wife hugged Summer again.

"I love you. Get better, please. Listen to the doctors, and be good," Summer felt rushed. They all thought she was crazy.

"Sure," Summer knew she lost.

Her mother walked out of the room. Now all that was left was her father's goodbye.

"Be good Summer. I love you," That was all he said before attempting to get away. Summer wasn't letting him off that easy.

"Wait Dad," Summer missed those fun times she used to have with him. But those were gone, and they had changed. But which one more?

"What?" Her father was suspecting his daughter would run and hug him, like old times.

"I can understand why Mom doesn't ever visit me, but why don't you?" Summer wanted an honest answer, yet she wasn't expecting one.

"Well, work has been overflowing for a while..." Neil made excuses for his absence.

"Right. Everyone in Newport need their nose done. They matter so much more than your _sick_, _crazy daughter_," The two stared at each other. Neil saw in his daughter's eyes no remorse for what she said. He didn't say a word. He knew he screwed up.

"Bye Dad," Summer walked past him with the nurse following. It felt good to say that. It was a nice release. She said goodbye, not knowing for how long.

0000000

Hours had passed and Summer lie awake in her bed. She pretended to be asleep whenever a nurse would walk by. If they saw her awake, she'd get sleeping pills. One more pill to swallow, that's all it had become.

She stroked Princess Sparkles' hair, using her nails as a hairbrush. They didn't work very well. The horse's mane and tail need some major grooming.

Thought after thought piled into Summer's head. The interview mostly. When she had gotten back, everyone wanted the details. Her telling off Neil was the girls' favorite part.

The reaction was mostly the same to the extra week: At least it's only a week.

And now, Summer felt a little like she didn't want to get out. So much would change when she did. The summer was what she dreaded the most. She might lose Seth.

They started her up on Prozac and for once, she felt fine. Like the old Summer, who could form full sentences.

"Hey Sum," Summer jumped at the sound of Nicole's voice.

"Yeah?" Summer replied. She thought she was the only one who was still awake.

"Are you awake?" Nicole knew Summer was.

"Well, duh. Otherwise, I would have answered. Why'd you ask? What's up?" Summer was glad Nicole was up. For once, she wanted to talk.

"I was just thinking about stuff. Like, uh, Ryan. How close are you with him?" Ryan's drug deal had really been bothering Nicole. She had to tell Summer. She felt dishonest not telling her. Strange, lying never bothered her before.

"I don't know, we're friends. We got closer since I got in here. Why?" Summer thought it was strange that Nicole would mention Ryan.

"Nothing really. But would you want to know if something was up with him?" Nicole remembered Ryan specifically asking her to not tell Summer.

"Well, I guess so. He is one of my best friends. What's up with him?" Summer thought back to the last visitation. Ryan had acted weird that day, but she hadn't thought anything about it.

"He told me not to tell," Nicole commented and Summer turned over on her side to look at her roommate.

"Don't tell me something's up and leave me hanging there. What's up with him?" Summer stared at Nicole, who battled with her conscience.

"I can't tell. I promised," Nicole knew she shouldn't have mentioned anything about Ryan.

"Come on, Nicole. Tell em. What is up?" Summer was getting irked. She was mad at Nicole for not telling her.

"I can't. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Just forget about it," Nicole turned on her side, away from Summer and shut her eyes.

"Nic, tell me. What's up with Ryan? Is it something, like, big?" Summer was growing worried. She didn't think anything was wrong with Ryan, but obviously there was.

"It's nothing important. Just something he told me. Or rather I found out," Nicole opened her eyes, and saw the pictures of her sister and her, before she died. Before Nicole did everything and screwed up.

"What did you find out Nicole? Does anyone else know? Nicole, you gotta tell me," Summer whispered as loud as she possibly could without a nurse hearing her. She knew they would come in and put the sleeping pills in them.

"It's nothing Summer. Please stop asking," Nicole begged.

"No. Nikki, you have to tell me. I won't stop asking," Summer complained.

"Please stop," Nicole put her pillow on top of her head and let herself be enveloped in darkness.

"Does anyone know? Nicole, you gotta tell me. Or I'll be worrying about it forever until I call him and ocnfront him," Summer threatened.

"No, don't," Nicole spun over and stared up at Summer, who felt satisfied. "You _cannot_ call him. He'll kill me next visitation. Of course that's if he makes it til then," Nicole mumbled the last bit as soft as she could so Summer wouldn't hear. But she did.

"What do you mean 'if he makes it til then'? What's wrong with Ryan? Nicole, I swear to God if you don't tell me..." Summer was getting louder and louder. The nurses could be there in seconds.

"All right, all right. I'll spill. But you cannot, I repeat _cannot_ talk to him about it. I will be murdered," Nicole gave in and looked out into the hall to see where the nurses were. Then she sat on Summer's bed as Summer sat up.

"Okay, I won't tell," Summer swore. Finally she'd know what was up with Ryan. She hoped it wasn't too serious.

"Do you promise? With all your life?" Nicole couldn't believe she was doing this. She was betraying an old friend.

"Yes, yes, I promise. Now tell me what's up," Summer turned to Nicole, ready to hear the answer.

"Okay. Well, Ryan, he um...he's...how can I word this? Let's see...Ryan's been, um..." Nicole rambled.

"Spill it," Summer demanded.

"He's been doing drugs," Immediately, she regretted doing that. She betrayed Ryan.

For the second time in two months, she let a secret of Ryan's sink in. This was freaking Summer out. Why would Ryan do something like this? He knew it landed him in Willow Creek the first time, what if he was in here a second time?

"How long?" Summer muttered and everything with Ryan was clicking. How he missed the second visitation, the way he acted during the third one. He had been so different, why hadn't Summer noticed it? She had known about his problems, why didn't it click earlier?

"A month now. I don't know if he got caught now, he might have," Nicole tried to make it sound better than it was.

"Nic, how'd you find out? Are you sure? That doesn't sound like Ryan. He knows what it does to him," Summer argued.

"Yeah, well. A druggie's a druggie," Nicole really hadn't felt a whole lot of sympathy for Ryan. In fact, she was jealous. She craved drugs.

"Ryan is not a druggie," Summer defended her friend who had defended her so many times.

"Then what is he, Summer? A misguided youth that accidently fell into drug addiction? That's what druggie's are. They all make a mistake and pay a lifetime of cravings for it. Ryan's a druggie, I'm a druggie, Mika's a druggie. It's not an insult, it's a definition," Nicole told Summer.

"But...why would he?" Summer couldn't comprehend it.

"Cravings, Summer. Exactly the same for alcohol. Sometimes even with cutting. You can't get away from it. Years can go by, and you could be clean for a while, and all of a sudden, it comes back. You may think when you get out of here, you'll be okay, but you'll have to deal with the reasons you came in here for the rest of you life. That's why so many return," Nicole said the blatant truth, which Summer hated.

"Do Seth and Marissa know? About Ryan?" Summer changed the subject back to Ryan, not reasons.

"Nope, I swore not to tell. That's why you can't tell," Nicole warned.

"But how do I know if he's okay?" Summer was worried about Ryan.

"When Seth calls, just ask how everyone is," Nicole tried to solve the problem.

"He'll lie. Everyone lies because I'm in here. They're afraid I'm gonna panic," Summer then noticed the distance herself now and a year ago. Everyone was so scared of her now.

"That's normal. But if Ryan got caught, most likely his stay here is out," Nicole added.

"Crap. Seth'll kill me. I can't call," Summer was never victim to Seth's yelling. Yet. She was always the one yelling.

"There. Crisis solved," Nicole whispered and smiled. She was glad with the way her spilling Ryan's secret went. She knew Summer wouldn't tell.

"I guess so. For now," Summer was pissed that she couldn't do anything. All these things were happening in Newport, and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. This sucked.

"Yeah, for now. Maybe we'll see him in here soon," Nicole joked to lighten up the mood.

"Not funny," Summer dismissed it and left a silence in its wake. She wanted to run to Newport so bad, to be by Seth's side, to have him hold her. That's what she needed. She needed Seth for her to be better.

She needed Seth to be happy.

Was this a problem? It had to be. Summer didn't feel like smiling when Seth wasn't around. He was the one who held her up. But she started to think about it: Was it love or was it dependence?

All the girls could hear was the squeaking and parts of tears. A few girls cried themselves to sleep.

But then, Summer could've sworn she heard 'goodbye' being whispered.

And not a minute later, they heard a thud, a sonorous thud. None of the nurses acknowledged it, they just thought a med book had fallen.

"That came from the bathroom," Nicole whispered. So Summer wasn't the only one to hear it. "Let's go check it out."

"Are you kidding me? We'll be in so much trouble if the nurses catch us," Summer argued.

"So? We should check it out. Make sure everything's all right," Nicole was waiting to sneak out. She was a master.

"Okay," Summer folded and Nicole smiled. She got up, and checked the hall. No nurses. They were checking the med books. Nicole motioned to her roommate and Summer quietly came up behind her.

"On three. One..." Summer's heart was beating out of her chest. "Two..." The bathroom seemed so far away. Could they make it? "Three."

Both girls ran as fast and as quietly as they could to the bathroom. They made it. It was such a rush. Summer hadn't felt like that in a long time.

"Oh God," Nicole commented as Summer looked out for nurses.

"That's wrong?" Summer said as she stuck her head out the doorway.

"We've got a major problem over here," Nicole stopped caring how loud she was.

"Like?" Summer still wasn't looking over.

"Maybe you should come over here...or not," Summer finally turned around and saw Nicole keeling by one of the stalls. There were no locks. No one was trusted. Ever wonder why?

"As Summer slowly walked over, she turned her head and shut her eyes. Did she really want to see it? She knew she'd have to. So she looked.

Summer dry heaved. First thing she saw was the blood on Nicole's pants. Then the hand. The bloodly hand.

Tears sprung to her eyes, but the medication she was on was dissociating herself from the scene. Thank God. If she wasn't on the Lithium and Prozac, she knew she'd be a sobbing mess by now.

"What happened?" Summer fell to her knees next to Nicole. For the immediate adult inside her, she grabbed the arm and checked for a pulse. Blood spilled on her as she felt no pulse.

"I don't know. Go get help," Nicole order and Summer got up. Both of them were covered in blood by now, and she ran out of the bathroom and to the nurses' station.

"Excuse me, we need help! Really badly! In the bathroom," Summer screamed, mostly likely waking up everyone.

Before anyone followed her, Summer ran back and knelt next to Nicole again taking the bloody limp hand and squeezing it hard. But she knew she'd get no response. She knew the verdict.

Kaci was dead.

**So? Was it who you expected? I knew no one would get it. You didn't think I would actually kill someone major? So sorry for this update, I've been so busy and it's kinda hard to type, because I burned my finger so it hurts, and yeah. Please review!**


	5. Destined To Die

**Okay, I am working hard to update this better. I've been writing so much in "Mockingbirds," that story is going to be about ten or eleven chapters at the point I'm at. It might go on after that. Anyways, here is the new chap, I hope this satisfies you for a bit. I've got finals coming up in about a week or two, and school is hectic, so the updates will be long amounts of time between them...**

Summer laid the white flower on the auburn coffin. She was barely feeling anything. Her lithium dosage had been doubled.

Willow Creek had allowed the whole ward to attend Kaci's funeral, with guardian permission. They always did that with suicides.

Everything had been a blur since that night, exactly 62 hours and 27 minutes ago. It was 12:33 on Friday morning.

Tomorrow, Seth, Marissa, and maybe Ryan were supposed to come visit her. She told the nurses "No Visitors." They called her dad, but that was a waste of a phone call. He wouldn't have come anyways. But that left Summer to call Seth, which she dreaded.

She was dressed in black, which she didn't understand why she packed this. Only her, Nicole, Evan, and Bree were appropriately dressed.

Bree had decided she'd stay until Sunday when they decided if she should stay for longer. Everyone had been stirred up by it, but all the meds were numbing the effect.

"Lucky ass," Summer heard Evan comment. No one was shocked by what she said, except Summer.

"How can you say that? She's dead," Summer argued, looking over at Evan.

"Exactly," Evan told her.

"We should be praising her, not pitying her," Nicole added.

"Why? She killed herself," Summer couldn't understand her wardmates anymore.

"Right. She went through what we wanted to go through," Nicole explained. "That's why we're in Willow Creek, Summer. We. Want. To. Die."

"I don't want that," Summer said right away.

"Then you're one of the lucky few who is getting better," Nicole remarked and suddenly Summer felt different. She felt like the odd person out. They weren't getting better. Was she? Nicole sure thought so. But did anyone else? She felt worse off than ever.

No one spoke after that, they just stared at the grave. It was so surreal. Through all her life, she had never been that close to death. She never even was at a funeral. She thought the shooting had been scary, but this was on a different level.

Summer didn't understand why all this was occurring to her. Had she taken everything for granted? Life, Seth, safety? She felt so ripped away from everything, nothing was shielding her eyes anymore.

She thought back to the last three months she'd never forget. The ones she'd have to share with her husband when they were _that_ close. Then another thought came to her: Wouldn't Seth be the one? Isn't he already? Summer and Seth **_were_** meant to be.

Would they last until then? Would she get out of here and they'd live happily ever after? It certainly was possible. Summereth forever, right?

And then the thought that had been bugging her Tuesday night floated in. She needed Seth to be happy.

In fact, Summer Roberts needed Seth Cohen to survive.

Where had all of Summer's independency gone? She never used to need a guy to keep her stable. What had Seth done to her? Had he made her weak? Oh, had she let him?

That was it. Before the first time they were together, she kept her stability, her independency. But when the shooting came, she allowed Seth to get to her heart _way_ too much. Her love for him was the thing that put her in there. Not the shooting.

Summer let Seth destroy her.

No, that couldn't be right. He could never do that to her. Or could he? If she let him, sure. So did that mean if they fought, she'd go and hang herself?

She really needed thicker skin.

The van Willow Creek rented had appeared in the parking lot. Time to go. Summer sighed and become the last girl at the grave.

"Bye Kaci. I'll miss you," Summer didn't cry as she slowly walked down the road in between the gravestones. All these people were gone. How many of them had wanted this? They must've hurt so many people.

And Summer had wanted this?

She stepped into the van and sat next to Alicia, who barely took up a seat. The van started its forty minute trek. They'd be just in time for individual therapy.

Scenery passed her by, it was nice to be out of Willow Creek. It had been almost two months since she had seen the outside world and smelled fresh air.

Suicide stayed on Summer's mind, but not in the way she used to think about it. Why had she wanted it so bad? All it did was hurt. No good came out of it at all. How many times had she tried it? She tried to drown herself once, twice a week in the time she cooped herself in her room. Then twice by Seth. So that was...too many times.

And when she was in here, Seth had tried to die. Why would they want that? Why had they let the other affect them so much? This was a real issue.

Neither Summer nor Seth had stability for a while. The longer they were healthy and far apart, the better they were becoming.

So were they meant to be?

Maybe a year ago, yes. Now? Not so definite. Summer couldn't live without Seth, and reverse.

Romeo and Juliet.

Summer was a modern day Juliet. Seth was Romeo. Meant to be, but so in love, they'd die if they didn't have the other.

She began to grow sick. Was that the proper analogy? Or were they different? They had to be. Their parents weren't in a feud.. There. They were different.

But Summer's dad didn't want them together. Damn.

Summer couldn't shake the thought of it. It was beginning to irk her. Were they really a modern day version of Romeo and Juliet? Were they destined to die?

"Hey Sum, you all right?" Nicole snapped Summer out of her revelations.

"What?" She felt like she had just all of sudden landed in the van.

"Are you okay?" Nicole reiterated, worried about the way Summer was acting.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Summer answered, with no emotion at all.

"You miss her?" Nicole guessed what the problem was.

"Duh," Summer said as Nicole looked at her from the row in front of her.

"Yeah, well, we all do. We just can't let her get to us. None of us really knew her. She barely ever talked," Nicole commented.

"She would talk to me. She'd always talk about this dog she had when she was little. This dog knew how to find places so well. Like, if she was lost, this dog could find the way," Summer reminisced.

"Too bad she didn't have the dog to find the way out of depression," Bree remarked.

"Yep," Summer agreed and the van braked at a stop light.

"Did the dog die?" Mika asked.

"Uh-huh," Summer answered.

"Well now, she can be with the dog up in heaven," Mika tried to lighten to mood and Alicia stifled a laugh. "What?"

"If you guys think she's in heaven, go ahead. But I doubt she's there," Alicia explained. She wasn't religious, but her dad once taught her about the supposed nine levels of hell.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Nicole inquired.

"Well, if you're religious at all, suicide is a mortal sin. You go straight to hell. Most likely, she's on the second level," Alicia kept going.

"There's levels?" Mika exclaimed.

"Yeah, for every major sin, you go down a level," Alicia answered.

"Damn, I've got to be on the twelfth level," Evan counted.

"Twenty most likely for me," Nicole tried to beat Evan.

"There's only nine levels," Alicia corrected them.

"Hey, then we're both on the lowest!" Nicole joked with Evan and Summer zoned out. She was sick of hearing about the levels of hell. It was sickening. Was attempted suicide a sin? She hoped not.

0000000000

"We went to Kaci's funeral today," Summer announced upon sitting down in Kelly's office. The patients were sent right there. For once, Summer really wanted to talk. About everything.

"Wow. Non-hysteric words from you. Haven't heard those from you since Tuesday," Kelly joked.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Summer apologized. She had come in on Wednesday afternoon and collapsed. She had begun to ramble and scream incoherently.

"Don't be. I'm just glad you let your emotions out with noise, and not injury," Kelly hoped today wouldn't be a repeat of the last few days.

"It still landed me in a safety room," Not long after Summer had come in to see Kelly on Wednesday, Kelly had to call for help and Summer was sent to safety room for a day.

It had been horrible, even for just one day. It was like taking out all the color of the world, and leaving you alone to your own destruction.

"I hope you understand that was just for your protection," Kelly had never seen Summer like that.

"I know. It was just weird being in there," Summer thought back to when she went in there. They took anything near sharp, the clipped her nails, her not anymore perfectly manicured nails.

Cameras were set in each corner, so she could be watched from each angle. They had left her with nothing, not even a bouncy ball. Everything was an instrument to hurt yourself.

There wasn't even a window in the goddamn white room with padding everywhere. One of the only things that was correct about mental hospitals. There were padded rooms.

Summer hadn't been able to understand how people could be in there for a week. She barely made it a day. Imagination was either vivid on non-existent in there. Summer had attempted to make a story unfold on the wall, but thinking of characters gave her a headache.

Most of the twenty four hours spent in the safety room was spent sleeping. No morning wake up time. The only good part.

Summer had mostly thought about Newport while in there, and being pissed at Kelly for shipping her in there. That's why she was silent on Thursday.

"That's the reaction from everyone," Kelly smiled. "Now, where do you think we should start today?"

"I don't know, but I have a hell of a lot of stuff to talk about," Summer exclaimed.

"Like?"

"Well, today, when Kaci was being put in the ground, everyone in the ward were commenting on how Kaci was lucky that she was dead. Except me. Then Nikki said something about how I must be getting better. But I never really thought about it. Am I getting better?" Summer rambled.

"Gradually, you have been," Kelly helped.

"Are you sure? Because it doesn't feel like it. At least before Kaci's death. I didn't notice anything in me was changing. And now, all of a sudden, I feel like I'm a different person," Summer claimed.

"That's normal. I always find that for my patients, there is a catalyst that leads to many revelations. In your case, it was Kaci's death. In others, it could be a wedding, a birth. It could even be as simple as a song that leads to discoveries," Kelly explained.

"Oh. Because I've had pretty many revelations. Mostly about Seth," Summer commented.

"You haven't really talked about him," Kelly noted.

"Well, I noticed something. Lately, I only seem to be happy around Seth. It's like my happiness depends on him. And I don't want that. I mean, I love him, but is that right? I've become so dependent on him, and I was never like that. I've been independent all my life, and all of a sudden, I'm not. How can one person do that?" Summer started her tale.

"I was thinking," she kept going, "you know maybe the shooting isn't the real reason I'm in here. Maybe it's Seth. I tried to kill myself over him more than once and he tried to kill himself over me, and I mean, how healthy can that relationship be?"

"I love him so much, and he could be _the one,_" Summer wasn't stopping, "but I'm so dependent on him. We might be like Romeo and Juliet, you know, Meant to be together, but meant to die. And I don't want to die anymore. I want to live, but I also want to be independent and not obsessing over when I'm going to see Cohen again."

"We've switched roles completely," Summer was amazing herself with how much she was talking, "He used to be obsessed with me, like for ten years and that's not healthy but I've become obsessed and I don't want to be. And now, I'm scared that were _too_ meant to be. You know, we're _completely_ perfect for each other, but I don't know that. We make each other so happy, but we hurt each other _so_ much. And I don't know if that's right," Summer was almost in tears.

"Summer, I wish I could give you an absolute answer for this, I really do. But dealing with love is difficult. If you think he's the one and he makes you happy, stay with him. But if you think all you'll do is hurt each other, don't. It's your choice. But it seems to me that you're deeply in love, but you need to take a break to be alone, and independent, and not fall on him all the time. I think you both need that," Kelly tried to answer as best as she could.

"Yeah. He might hate it at first, but it'll help us," Summer felt better.

"Do you think you'll tell him tomorrow at visitation?" Kelly wondered.

"I can't see him. Anyone. I have to call him today to tell him not to come," Summer had left it to the last minute.

"Why?" Kelly didn't understand.

"I just don't want to see them. Not after everything with Kaci. I mean, if I tell them, they'll hug me and say they understand, but I don't think they do. Marissa, maybe. I don't know. I just think I should with this here and not bring my friends from Newport into it," Summer explained to her therapist.

"I can understand that," Kelly replied.

"Yeah, so I'm gonna hand around the nurses' station and bother them with the other non-visitor patients," Summer joked.

"Who are they?" Kelly wondered.

"Oh, um, Nicole, Evan, and Mika," Summer listed off the names.

"Which one of your wardmates are you closest to?" Kelly asked.

"Probably Nicole. We're roommates so I guess she's the closest," Summer didn't understand the relevancy of the question.

"Oh," Kelly commented and Summer knew she herself wanted to say more, but she couldn't. "How close were you to Kaci?"

"We were friends, but I mean, I never would've expected her to do that. I thought she'd be okay. But she just wanted to say something and she didn't know how. Same with those shooters. They needed someone to listen to them, and no one did. And they destroyed so many lives because of it. I remember when that first gunshot went off, and somehow I knew someone was dead. And I was scared it was someone I knew. And then Seth was shot and that's the reason I'm in here. Because of Seth," Summer rambled on.

"So you think that if Seth hadn't been shot, you wouldn't be in here," Kelly deduced.

"Yeah. Because I'd have him to help me through. I could still be independent even," Summer wondered what her life would be like if Seth hadn't been shot. Their whole world would be so different.

"Uh-huh," Kelly began to write some more things in her notebook, and checked her watch. "Well, Summer, I do believe we've run out of time."

"Really? Wow, usually, I'm on top of that," Summer and Kelly both stood up.

"Yes, well today was a major breakthrough. You've really progressed," Kelly added.

"I suppose so," Summer still felt like there were a lot more things they hadn't covered.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Better, I guess. I mean, I got a ton of stuff off of my mind. It's not all stuck up in my head," Summer laughed.

"It's always better to get things out. So I'll see you on Sunday, Summer," Kelly said her goodbye.

"Yep. Bye," Summer walked out, ultimately feeling better. She was progressing. The twentieth was when she would get out. Only...24 more days until she'd see the real world again.

Walking down the hall, she checked the time. Seth was home now. She'd have to call him sooner or later. She might as well now.

So Summer stepped in the first pay phone, the one she always talked to Seth in.

"Summer Roberts dialing the Cohens' residence," she told the receiver and soon heard the phone ringing. She tried to plan out what she would say.

"Hello?" Kirsten answered.

"Oh hi, Mrs. Cohen. Is Seth around?" Summer hadn't been expecting Kirsten.

"Yeah. Let me get him," Kirsten knew who it was and went to the living room where Seth was playing PlayStation with Ryan and Marissa.

'Hello?" Seth took the phone with no knowledge of who was on the other line.

"Hey Seth," Summer greeted him.

"Summer! Hey! How are you doing?" Seth paused the game and headed into the kitchen.

"I'm really good actually," Summer answered, happy to hear him.

"Awesome. I was gonna call you, you know, to see if you needed anything for us to bring..." Seth now found himself sitting on the stairs.

"That's actually the reason I called," Summer knew he'd take it the wrong way.

"Oh, visitation tomorrow?" Seth replied.

"Yeah. Um, you guys can't, um, visit," Summer told him.

"What? Why?" Seth didn't understand his girlfriend.

"Something came up," Immediately, Seth knew she was lying.

"Like what?" Seth felt like Summer was hiding something major and he grew jealous.

"It's complicated. Listen, I'll talk to you soon. But um, is Ryan alright?" Summer was worrying about him.

"If you mean off drugs and not in Willow Creek, then yeah," Seth felt like he was losing Summer.

"You know?" Summer asked.

"Yeah, I know. We all know. Thanks for not telling me," Seth commented sarcastically.

"Seth, I swore not to tell anyone," Summer didn't want to argue.

"I know. But it feels like you're closer with Ryan than me," Seth told her.

"He told me because I was going to kill myself over you. Again," Summer thought that maybe now she'd have to say everything to Seth.

"What does that mean?" Seth had this horrible gut feeling inside him. Summer took a deep breath and prepared to tell him.

"I think we should take a break," Summer said it very quickly and then felt incredibly guilty. Seth was awestruck. "I'm sorry Seth. It's just I think we need to take a small break. It could really help us."

Seth took it all in. Summer was breaking up with him. He had indeed lost her. How? What had he done wrong? He couldn't understand it.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Seth gave in and felt sick. Summer didn't want him. He hung up the phone.

"Bye," she told Seth, but he was already gone.

**There ends the next chapter. I really want to type up the next chap, so look for that in a few days...I'm not gonna put any message from me in that one, so you can guess the whole time...hehe. Please review, I love them. And I will go update Mockingbirds for the people who read that.**


	6. Invincible

Kirsten opened her eyes. Her alarm was going off. She forgot to un-set it. She had the day off. Kirsten knew she'd end up doing some sort of work.

Sandy was already awake, and she just laid in the empty bed. It was the first of the month. A renewal.

She turned off the alarm next to her and tried to get some sleep. She felt tired but every time she closed her eyes, she felt wide awake. Now she had to get up.

Sandy then appeared out of the bathroom. She smiled and stood up and kissed him. He understood her preoccupied face. He knew what day it was.

Kirsten walked into the bathroom and got relatively ready, not fully done, since she didn't have to work. It sounded so nice. She needed a break.

Seth sat in his bedroom, Captain Oats on his stomach. Man, had that horse head a lot of woes about Summer. Everyone had. And everyone was sick of it.

"So what should I do?" Seth asked the horse for the ninth time today, and the day had just started. Captain Oats didn't say a word. "Fine, silent treatment, I see how it is. Well, hope you have fun with no one to complain to about Princess Sparkles with. I'm sick of hearing how great her hooves were," Seth put the horse on his night stand and headed downstairs.

Ryan was already awake and ready. He was in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee. He liked the silence. He would only have a few minutes of it.

"What's up Ry?" Nope. Ryan had actually only had seconds.

"Not much," Ryan took a sip of scalding hot coffee.

"Cool. Now what is the plan for today?" Seth asked, getting a cup of coffee for himself.

"There's supposed to be a plan for today?" Ryan replied.

"Yes man! Operation Win-The-Girls-Back? This plan has been active for like ever," Seth complained.

Kirsten walked in at that moment. She smiled seeing her two sons argue. It was nice to see them together.

It had been two months since the fiasco of everything and the Cohen household was finally getting its footing. Kirsten hoped it would stay this way.

"Yeah, and it hasn't been working at all," Ryan commented.

"So? I have a feeling it'll work today. They'll be on their knees looking for us. They'll forgive us and everything will be perfect," Seth laid out the new plan.

"Except they hate our guts," Ryan didn't want to hear anymore of Seth's ongoing babbles about Summer. They never ceased.

"Minor detail," Seth blew it off. He knew he was losing the battle for Summer, but he didn't care. He wanted her. Sure, he _should_ give up, but why?

"Seth, you really need to give up on this," Ryan said to Seth as Kirsten listen in to their argument.

"I know. But me and Summer, you and Marissa, we _are_ the perfect couples," Seth was giving in to giving up.

"If that's true, then why are the perfect couples broken up?" Ryan pointed out.

"I don't know man! But like last year, before this summer, was awesome. We were all happy," Seth sat down.

"And then you broke Summer's heart," Ryan pointed out.

"Well, you broke Marissa's," Seth shot back.

"Maybe we should find other girls," Ryan sat down next to Seth.

"I don't wanna," Seth continued to whine.

"Are you two still obsessing over Summer and Marissa?" Kirsten wondered, enjoying the usual morning banter. It always lifted her spirits.

"I'm not, but he is," Ryan told his guardian.

"Slowly, I'm getting over her. Very, very, very, very slowly," Seth informed them.

"Son, try dating other women, it might work," Sandy walked in on the conversation and laughed.

"Yeah, that might make her jealous..." Seth began another plan.

"Seth," Kirsten warned, but inside she laughed. Life was finally going their way. There was barely any drama, not since two months ago.

"I know I need to get over her, but it's hard to do that. I've only been obsessed with her for _ten_ years," Seth commented.

"It's been ten years? It seems like just yesterday you came home and started rambling about how you were gonna marry her," Sandy reminisced.

"Yeah, well, as of now, that's not gonna happen. She won't even talk to me," Seth laid his head on the island.

"I wonder why," Sandy joked to his son, who groaned. Seth wanted so badly to either have Summer, or let her go. She was with some asshole from the water polo team. Hadn't she discovered a while ago that they all were idiots? It killed him to see Summer, and she'd ignore him.

"I think the last time she talked to me was when she broke up with me," Seth informed them. He didn't want pity, he wanted Summer.

"You'll find someone else," Kirsten tried to cheer up her sullen son.

"I don't want someone else. I want Summer," Seth spoke to the table.

"Maybe you'll get together again. You guys have a better shot than me and Marissa," Ryan commented.

"That's definitely over?" Kirsten was sad to see both sons dismal, but usually this was in the morning. They got over it by the end of the day.

"Yeah. She's with some other guy. I don't mind. Our relationship was never that good," Ryan said.

"Ha!" Seth yelled and everyone jumped.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan asked Seth, whose head was still stuck to the island.

"Dude, you dated for five months, then like another three. You two were an awesome couple. Such memorable times. Cotillion, TJ, the Ferris wheel, every party..." Seth rambled.

"Yeah, but do we remember someone named Oliver?" Ryan pointed out.

"Theresa?" Seth argued. "Listen, you guys had moments. Me and Summer? Zip," the only moment they ever had was between just the two of them. No one really knew about them.

"What about Valentine's Day? And the kissing booth?" Ryan couldn't believe he was doing this. For two months, he had tried to get Seth over Summer, and now, he was encouraging it.

"Don't remind me," This was how it usually went in the morning. There was always talk of Summer and Marissa.

"Well, good thing is it's the beginning of the month. You can start new, find new girls, and obsess over them then," Sandy tried to end Seth's moping.

"Whatever," Seth still hadn't lifted his head off the island.

"You guys should be going. You'll be late. Do you need a ride?" Kirsten interrupted.

"Nope, we've got the power of the skateboard and bike," Seth answered and Ryan got up as Seth slowly lifted himself out of the seat.

"Okay bye," Kirsten never could understand why they rode their skateboard and bike.

"Bye," Seth waved back to them as they headed to the garage.

"Be safe," she called after them and heard the door shut.

"Well, I should be going too," Sandy said.

"Stay home. Please," Kirsten hated being in the house all alone.

"I have papers to type up..." Sandy didn't want to go, but he had to.

"Type them here. Just please stay home," she stared up into his eyes, making him melt.

"Fine. I'll type them up, then we can have the rest of the day together. Watch some soaps, I'm a little behind on them," he joked and kissed her.

Seth and Ryan were almost at the school. Seth pretty much had given up on him and Summer. She hated his guts, plain and simple.

It was a new month. He would be an existentialist, forget about the past, especially the last few months.

Yeah, that would never work.

Marissa saw both boys walk in. She looked longingly at Ryan. She really missed him. No, she had to stop thinking like that. They were through, done, over with. She had a new boyfriend. He wasn't Ryan, but he filled the void.

"Ew, Coop, Chino? No way. Those two assfaces caused us enough pain. We are better off without Cohen and Chino," Summer's words echoed in her head. She had said them about a month ago when Marissa wanted to be back with Ryan.

Marissa thought about Ryan every day, but she knew that it would never happen. Something major would have to happen to bring them together.

She wished she could be like Summer, who at the moment, was making out with her boyfriend. Marissa knew Summer never thought about Seth. Every so often Summer would, but she always pushed it out of her mind.

"Hey," Marissa's boyfriend surprised her and kissed her. No, he definitely wasn't Ryan, who began to do the same thing as Seth. Stare at the girls longingly.

"What are the plans for tonight?" Summer asked them. Marissa stopped kissing her boyfriend, and looked for Ryan. He was gone. "Coop? Any ideas?"

Marissa looked over at Summer, who was finally relatively happy, bitchy, and Cohen-less. She was easier to get along with over Seth.

"Um, nope," Marissa answered her best friend, who pouted a bit.

"There's probably a party going on," Summer blew it off, and then the bell rang. The four walked together to homeroom, where Marissa was first to leave. She walked into her classroom and saw around some girls she kind of knew. They unfortunately were friends of Holly's, but as long as Holly wasn't around, Marissa was okay.

She listened in on the discussion of the new Chanel bags. That was her favorite brand. And of course she had the newest style. All the girls were jealous. Marissa was back to being the most popular.

Glancing to the back of the room, she saw Seth either writing or doodling. Marissa wanted to talk to him, but a lot of things had changed between the once close friends.

Seth knew Marissa was looking, so he didn't raise his head. He felt like a sophomore again. Invisible to all.

First period bell, and Seth waited until everyone was gone to get up he headed up to Chemistry, the single most evil class.

A shiver ran through him as he sped past lockers.

Marissa and Seth weren't Chemistry partners, she was with some girl who was smart. Marissa got an easy A.

Seth didn't pay attention to the day, it was passing him by. He saw Summer who was completely ignoring him and flirting with all the other guys. No, they weren't meant to be.

She sighed as she listened to the guys' talk about mindless stuff. It went right through her, none of it mattered.

Seth sat in the back for almost all his classes. No one cared that he was in the class. Not a single soul.

Yeah, he regretted everything that happened, but he couldn't take it back. What's done is done. As much as he wanted Summer, he'd have to let her go. She was the Summer he always hated. The spoiled, bitchy, ignorant one. She was more than that. So why did she stoop so low?

The end of second period. Third he had alone. Ryan was with Summer again. Who cared? Summer didn't talk to him either. She cut those ties a while back. All the Cohen household did was hurt people. They couldn't be trusted.

Third period went by rather quickly, so all the students headed to the fourth class. Separate rooms, separate lives.

Seth enjoyed this class. The teacher rarely ever called him. He sat in the back left corner and would look out the window. It passed the time. The only part of this class that was okay was that he got to write.

He wouldn't brag he was a good writer, but it was just nice to let his emotions out.

Ryan was paying attention in his second floor class, he needed the grades. He was struggling with this class. He understood everything, but it was just that Harbor High put a heavy load on everyone.

Marissa pulled out her math homework. Her teacher was infamous for making them put the work on the board. Her name was called.

"Let's put out work up on the board," Marissa gulped and walked up.

Summer was looking around the library. Definitely some hot guys. She liked where she was sitting. Life was perfect.

A van pulled up in front of the school.

0000000

Seth ran as fast as he could. All he could think about was Summer. Oh God, this was not good. Who would do this? Who would be this evil to reek this havoc on the students of Harbor High?

He kept running and chose a different stairway. The one on the other side of the hall, he had a long way to go. But he had to get out. He had to make sure Summer was okay. If she was hurt, he'd never forgive himself.

He ran past his Chemistry class and by the lockers. His eye caught someone's, someone he never apologized to, and seen every day. This was Seth's mistake.

Seth stopped dead in his tracks. His life came in front of him. Summer. Her face stood out in his mind. One last moment. This was it. The end. He was gone. Just one of 77 bleeding bodies on the ground. And when would they find him? When it was too late.

Invincibility was dead. So was he.

Seth shut his eyes.


	7. Anniversary

**Oh my gosh, this has taken forever to update! So, a lot happened since I had the last chapter, a flashback. It was one. I would never put them through that again, sorry. Anyways, finals have taken over me and my teacher just died of cancer, so I'm going to his funeral on Saturday... okay, over to the story...**

His eyes slowly opened. Where was he? He couldn't remember. But something was oddly familiar about here.

It was his room.

Seth sat up, and tried to get his bearings. What had happened? He couldn't think straight. If he shut his eyes, all he could see was the hallway he was shot in.

Yes, the shooting. It had never affected his like this. He didn't understand why it was now. He did remember his doctor mentioning something similar to this, but could remember it now? Nope.

He tried to remember the day. It was a few days after Summer broke up with him. That was killing Seth. He wanted to talk about it to his therapist, but the guy was on vacation for three weeks. That's Newport therapists for you. Seth was told to go to someone else, but the guy was a complete idiot.

Seth grabbed his iPod and went to the clock on it. It read March 1st. It was the first of the month. Four months after the shooting. The two times Seth was awake to celebrate an anniversary of the shooting, he hadn't paid attention. The first time he had Summer. The second, well, he forgot.

But today felt different. He felt alone. Like he had felt that day. Seth felt different because he had completely lost Summer.

All the time now he thought of her. Why had she broken up with him? All he ever did was love her. And so instead of being with him, Summer ditched him. She had grown sick of him. So he was alone again. At least he was used to it.

Seth didn't want to go to school. They would acknowledge the shooting and bring back more memories than he would like.

"Seth? Are you awake?" Sandy was at his son's door. No one was having a good day. Kirsten woke up almost screaming, she was having another nightmare. The nightmare she used to constantly have, where they pulled the plug on Seth. This time it went farther, to the graveyard. Kirsten was always disgusted with herself when she had thought of letting Seth die.

"Yeah," Seth laid back on the bed, he was so tired. All he wanted to do was sleep. So he shut his eyes.

Sandy walked into the room and found Seth lying on the bed with closed eyes. It was too close to how it used to be.

"Get up," Sandy barked immediately.

"I'm tired," Seth mumbled, not even moving.

"Seth, I mean it. You have school and..." Sandy warned.

"I wanna sleep. Please?" Seth didn't open his eyes.

"Seth Ezekiel, get your ass up," Sandy ordered. He never had been really emotional when Seth was in the coma. He'd go to see him, but Sandy never liked to be in the room alone with him.

"Okay," Seth finally gave in and sat up. He looked up at his dad, and understood why he was so mad. The shooting. It always was the shooting.

"Good. Get ready for school," Sandy promptly walked out of his son's room. He headed downstairs where Ryan sat at the island, sipping coffee.

Ryan looked a lot healthier than two weeks ago. He barely had any bags under his eyes, and he wasn't nearly as sick-looking.

"Morning," Ryan greeted his guardian. He knew exactly what day it was. He went to sleep last night knowing what day it would be.

"Morning. Did Kirsten come out yet?" Sandy glanced back to where his room was. Kirsten still had to be in there.

"Nope," Ryan answered and looked at Sandy. He heard Sandy yell. He didn't know why it happened, but it had.

"Damn. I have a feeling she's gonna celebrate this one just like the other three. Cooped up in her room," Kirsten never talked about the nightmare she'd have, she's just say it was fine. But it never was. Everyone noticed it, but didn't say a thing.

She always felt horrible for ever thinking she wanted to kill her son. It was just one of those unforgivable things.

And Sandy was right. She was going to spend the whole day cooped up in her room. That was her new tradition. Eleven years ago, this was what she did with her mom. Every first day of the month for a year, she would lock herself up in her room. Sandy couldn't understand it, he had never had one of his parents die. His dad left so long ago, and the Nana was the Nana.

Sophie would call every so often, talk to her son and complain about California and chemo. The Nana knew about the shooting, and the coma. Sandy practically begged her not to come out. Nothing was happening, so why torment yourself? But Sophie promised she would come after Seth was re-adjusted and doing okay.

Kirsten wanted so badly to talk to another motherly figure. Maybe she'd go to her own mother's gravestone. Or she could invite the Nana to California. No, Sophie would never go for it. The Nana and the Kirsten were never friends. But maybe they could be.

Sandy decided to go check on his wife. He would be leaving soon, so he had to make sure she was okay.

"Kirsten?" Sandy tiptoed his way into see his wife laying down in bed, blonde hair all over.

"Hmm?" she acknowledged him, but didn't feel like getting up. It was mopping day, there was no need to get up.

"Are you getting up today?" Sandy asked, but he knew the answer already.

"No," Kirsten was surprised by the weakness in her voice. She felt stronger than that. Wait, no she didn't.

Kirsten was about to collapse.

"Okay then. I'll call you, and see you later," Sandy walked over, and kissed his wife on the forehead. "Love you."

"Love you too," Kirsten choked out and slowly Sandy walked out.

"Hey Ryan," Sandy came into the kitchen to grab his suitcase. "When you're leaving, go in and see Kirsten. She needs it today."

"Sure," Ryan said, and Sandy left. Ryan waited for Seth, but he already knew that his brother would be obsessing over losing Summer. That's how it had been for three days.

Seth finally traipsed down the stairs, in not a very good mood.

"Hey man," Ryan greeted his brother, who waved back.

"Can you tell me again the chances of Summer finding another guy at Willow Creek? Because you and Nicole got a little hot and heavy..." Seth wondered.

"Seth, nothing ever happened," Ryan had been through this conversation too many times.

"What? Come on man, you played some poker, maybe _strip poker_?" Seth asked.

"How many times have we gone through this? Four?" Ryan was shocked that Seth hadn't mentioned the shooting. Maybe he forgot.

"I know, and my parents always walk in. So, we never get any farther with the conversation. What are my chances with Summer and another guy?" Seth didn't near forget the shooting. He was just masking the pain.

"Girls and guys are usually separated," Ryan answered.

"Damn," Seth looked down at the counter in dismay.

"You know this sounds exactly like..." Ryan began to think about the first day of school. The two had a very similar conversation to this.

"Like what? Like four months ago, on the day I was shot? It was completely different then. I was trying to fucking win her back, not trying to figure out how I fucking lost her," Seth went off the deep end.

"I wasn't gonna say that," Ryan couldn't understand why Seth snapped.

"You might as well be thinking that," Seth accused.

"Have you been taking your meds Seth?" Ryan didn't look up. He felt like such a parent. An over-bearing parent.

"I don't need fucking medication. I need _Summer_," Seth was pissed. Why the hell was Ryan worrying about his med intake? His brother finally looked up at Seth.

"Because if you don't take your meds and not see a therapist for three weeks, you're gonna hurt someone or yourself," Ryan told his brother. He kept his calm, but it was hard.

"I'm fine," Seth began to calm down.

"How long haven't you been taking it?" Seth remained silent. "Since she broke up with you? That's four days, Seth, you gotta take it."

"I just really miss her. Why would she break up with me?" Seth gave in and walked over next to Ryan.

"It probably has nothing to do with you," Ryan tried to make his brother feel better.

"You think?" Seth liked the sound of it.

"She's in Willow Creek, she's gonna have to make some changes. I did," Ryan answered.

"Yeah, like what?" Seth got interested.

"Okay, I tried. Stopped hanging out with those guys, but I couldn't heave all the responsibility on my mom and be the kid. If I had, I'd be in foster homes now," Ryan was glad he grew up when he got out. Who knew it would land him here?

"Oh," Seth replied, and remembering the argument earlier, he went to the counter and grabbed his Prozac. He still could not open it. You'd think after a month, he'd get it, but no. Not long ago, it had taken a trip across the kitchen.

He twisted it. Nothing. Seth twisted it again. Still nothing. What the hell? Why couldn't he open these caps? Everyone else could.

"This is another reason I didn't take it...it refuses to open...stupid thing..why can't childproof lids be easier to open? I mean, it's really hard..." Seth rambled as he struggled.

"You still can't open that thing?" Ryan laughed at the sight. He had seen eight year olds open a bottle like that, and yet, Seth _could not_ open it.

"No, I can't open it! If I could, I wouldn't be hating it and fighting with it..." Seth was about to give it a second trip across the kitchen when Ryan solved the problem.

"Seth, why don't you try pushing down on the lid and turning it at the same time?" Ryan suggested.

"That's way too easy," Seth replied.

"Just try it," So Seth did. He pushed down and turned it _at the same time._

The lid popped off.

"Well, what you do you know? It worked," Seth commented and Ryan laughed at his brother. "See, I thought you had to quick push down and then twist it at the perfect time, but I was obviously wrong," Seth felt embarrassed by his stupidity.

"Sure, Seth," Ryan had never met someone who couldn't open a pill bottle.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Seth asked as he followed Ryan to the front door, which had begun ringing.

Marissa didn't quite know if she shouldn't come over to pick Seth and Ryan up. She didn't even know if they were going to school. She knew it was the four month anniversary.

"Hey," Ryan opened the door and saw his girlfriend grinning. She kissed him as Seth rolled his eyes. "Hi Seth," Marissa said once they began to walk into the kitchen.

"Glad to see I'm noticed," Seth commented sarcastically.

"You gotta come back Seth. It's been a month, we're all losing it. No one's talked to Summer in two weeks. No one's heard from her since the incident. Please wake up, and save us," Seth thought he heard Marissa say.

"What'd you just say Marissa?" Seth stopped and she turned, looking at him strangely.

"I...didn't say anything then," both Ryan and Marissa grew worried. Seth was hearing things that didn't exist.

But it did exist. Only three months ago, during one of Marissa's many visits. She had told Seth tons of things, it had been nice to just vent, but now Seth knew all of that. And eventually, he'd remember it.

"Yes, you did. Stuff about Summer, and two weeks, and a month, and an incident..." Seth answered and Marissa remembered that conversation.

"I didn't just sat that," Technically, she didn't lie. She pulled Ryan into the kitchen. "Is he okay?"

"He just took his meds. So he heard some imaginary voices," Ryan blew it off.

"No, Ryan. I _did _say those things to him," Marissa was a little scared.

"Then why did you lie?" Ryan couldn't understand it.

"I said those things to him..._three months ago,_" Marissa told Ryan. "Has this ever happened before?" All of them had told Seth so many deep things and he knew them _all._

"I think once. Somehow he figured out that Kirsten wanted him to take him off life support," Ryan's thoughts rushed to when Seth was going to jump. He had said everyone wanted him dead. Of course, maybe Kirsten or Sandy told him, but why would they want to? This wasn't the kind of thing you wanted to tell your child.

"Wait, what? When did Kirsten want him off life support?" Marissa was shocked she had never heard about that.

"Oddly enough, the day he woke up," A thought hit Ryan. What would've happened if they had pulled the plug? And only a few hours after, not even, Seth woke up.

"Are we going or what?" Seth knew he was being talked about. He hated it.

"Don't tell him about, the, you know..." Marissa informed Ryan as he grabbed his bag.

"Yeah, I know," Ryan knew Marissa meant the carnival. That seemed like years ago when Summer cracked. So much had changed.

Marissa and Ryan walked out of the kitchen and saw Seth acting impatient. Of course he was covering up the bewilderment of what Marissa had said. What was this incident? What had happened?

"Finally," he commented and headed out to Marissa's car.

"Wait, Seth. We gotta say goodbye to your mom," Ryan let go of Marissa and walked into Sandy and Kirsten's room while Seth followed. "Hi Kirsten."

"Hi," Kirsten was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. But it would be hopeless, and she'd mope all day, waiting for Sandy to return so he could cheer her up and the day could end and she could go on with her life.

But the day had just barely begun.

"Oh, I just wanted to see if you were all right, because we're going," Ryan was saying as Seth was feeling worse and worse. He was the one that made Kirsten like this. He had hurt her so much, the repercussions were still coming.

"I'll be fine, but come here," Kirsten pulled herself up and the boys walked over. She pulled them both into a large hug. She didn't want to let go. "Please be careful and safe."

"We will Mom," Seth told her. Ryan was surprised by the huge act of emotion. He had to say, he was still not near used to the affection of this family. Every day, he felt as though he didn't belong, even if the Cohens had been his family for so long. It still felt strange.

"I love you," Kirsten informed her boys, and they returned the gesture. Silently, the two left and she again felt alone. Kirsten could hear the door close and she took a deep breath. Time to mope.

An idea struck her. Where had she put those pictures? Most likely the closet. The back of the closet.

Slowly, Kirsten picked herself up and walked over to their closet. She headed in it, and saw the massiveness of it. Why hadn't she noticed it before? There was dress upon dress, shoe after shoe. It never ended.

And there, in the back, were the boxes of her mother's things she hid from herself. Who would want memories of the woman you looked up to and suddenly disappeared from your life?

Kirsten sat down in the back of the closet and opened one of the boxes. Her mother's fragrance hit her with such a force, tears immediately formed. This was what she hid from herself for ten years. There were pictures, and presents, and a bottle of her favorite perfume.

Kirsten began to go through the photos, a few of them taken just days before her mother died. She forgot how much she missed her mother. How different it was back then. Jeez, Kirsten was still in her twenties. Hailey barely was there. Not even, she was maybe 10 at most when these photos were taken. Seth was so small, and so full of...she couldn't describe it.

Finally, Kirsten found the photo she cherished. The one she had taken in the hospital, with both Seth and her mother sleeping. It was so cute, and it was one of the only photos that made Kirsten smile.

She noticed that both Seth and her mother had been on their deathbeds on the same day. November first. Except Seth lived and her mother, well, didn't.

Kirsten would've never guessed from looking at that photo that Seth would turn out like he did. He was so much more darker now, and sensitive. And of course, it was Kirsten's fault.

She stayed in the closet for most of the day, falling asleep at noon. She had awoken to Sandy screaming her name.

But Seth could beat his mother at having a worse day. Everyone singled out the victims of the shooting and stared. Their faces had been seen enough on the memorial boards. All the teachers would ask Seth if he was okay, which he wasn't. But he always lied.

Summer had amazingly been off his brain. The shooting kept rearing its ugly head and Seth was getting so sick of it. It wasn't as if he hadn't gotten enough of it the actual time it happened. Now, everywhere he walked, he got reminders of the worst day in his life.

Four months had gone since the day, and yet it felt like yesterday. He would've wished he could change everything. Sometimes Seth even wondered what it was like to watch a loved one battle in limbo between life and death. It had to be so difficult and Seth tortured everyone for a month and three weeks.

When they got home, and Seth collapsed in front of the t.v., he hoped to just relax. He knew his mother was mopping. This time around, he was still adjusting to it. But he knew it was a tradition. Ryan, on the other hand, was not.

He kept asking Seth if Kirsten would be okay, and Seth told him yes. Ryan still wasn't so sure.

"I still don't trust it," Ryan continued to say.

"Breathe, she's all right," Seth kept answering. He was flipping through the channels, and came upon the news.

"Tonight's top stories: A car accident involving two cars has claimed a casualty. Some key evidence in a chain of house fires, and four months have gone by since the Harbor School shooting, the largest school shooting ever. We take a glimpse back on the day that changed all of Newport forever," Seth didn't change the channel. Why shouldn't he torture himself more?

He watched all of the news, waiting to see the shooting. He had never seen video of it, just pictures. The news station began to show the helicopter view of the shooting and Seth watched all his classmates run out. He thought he saw Summer, but from the view, it could've been anyone.

Seth knew that somehow or another, the shooting would continue to torment him. It would do that for hopefully only the next year. Then Seth could really move on. Hopefully, that was the main part.

Seth could hear his father come home, Ryan telling Sandy about Kirsten, and Sandy rushing to find his wife, hiding in the back of the closet. Seth heard Sandy scream her name in fear she was dead. They'd go through this another eight times before infinite closure.

**There, that chapter done. Sorry again it took so long. Please review, I love them!**


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